Thanks everyone for all of your help!
My DW walked over to the window this morning, pulled all the curtains off (which I now see Rockin has mentioned) were simply on with velcro. She then looked up and said "wouldn't it be these screws on these plastic thingys that are holding the valance on?"
I went over and looked at the screws that had been well hidden by the curtains. I then said "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THOSE STUPID CURTAINS JUST PULLED COMPLETELY OFF WITH VELCRO!!"
In the infamous words of Rick Perry "oops".
Wouldn't you think after nearly 33 years together, I might have learned something about when to remain silent?
The good news is that I was smart enough to get the long bed pickup. And--it has a cover! I'm a big guy-but there will still be room to stretch out a little bit.