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Old 10-18-2015, 05:36 PM   #1
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A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO Costco


Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutrionaly complete,(certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me? I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!
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Old 10-18-2015, 05:49 PM   #2
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Thanks! I've heard that before, and even considered trying it myself, but I still laugh my a$$ off when I hear it. Funnier than a rubber crutch!
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Old 10-19-2015, 09:38 AM   #3
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You definitely get a 5 on that!
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Old 10-19-2015, 09:50 AM   #4
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Read this over coffee this morning; a great way to start the day! Thanks

Joel
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Old 10-19-2015, 09:55 AM   #5
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I had to pause a couple of minutes to clear my eyes, before I could finish reading your post. I was laughing so hard that tears welled up...impairing my vision.

That felt good! Thanks!
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Old 10-23-2015, 11:27 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docj View Post
Read this over coffee this morning; a great way to start the day! Thanks

Joel
Coffee on the shirt is not a great way to start the day.
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Old 10-23-2015, 12:31 PM   #7
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When I got to the fire hydrant part I think I laughed so loud that I woke up the folks in the RV next to me!
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Old 10-29-2015, 04:32 PM   #8
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its dangerous to read some of these while drinking hot coffee, you know it hurts when you blow real hot coffee through your nose
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Old 10-29-2015, 04:40 PM   #9
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Hilarious!!

Never heard that one before.
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:59 PM   #10
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That was great, thanks for sharing.
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Old 10-29-2015, 09:26 PM   #11
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BOY i am glad I don't drink coffee.That was a really good one.
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Old 10-29-2015, 10:12 PM   #12
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I think that it's great to be crazy and get away with it!!!!
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Old 10-29-2015, 10:40 PM   #13
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When we were at Steamboat Lake State Park, about 30 miles from the nearest Walmart, I went to buy humming bird food, the liquid in a bottle. One of the other workampers asked me to get some for them also. So, I wound up checking out with 12 bottles of humming bird food. The checker said, "You must have a lot of humming birds." I said, "no, only one, but he is about four feet tall."
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