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Old 10-31-2014, 11:24 AM   #1
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Airplane ground crews have their say

AIRPLANE GROUND CREWS HAVE THEIR SAY

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right..
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
(I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last...
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Old 10-31-2014, 12:02 PM   #2
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That is hysterical! Any more?
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Old 10-31-2014, 12:10 PM   #3
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Maybe the midget wanted to get out, missing any of the ground crew?
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Old 10-31-2014, 12:33 PM   #4
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Old 10-31-2014, 02:44 PM   #5
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I was in the Air Force doing avionics maintenance. Many similar items in my years there.

P. Knob loose on radar control set
S. Knob job complete

P. Range indicator changes by factor of three with X3 range switch engaged
S. Thanks

P. Any number of write-up's due to cockpit switches set incorrectly..
S. Duplicated write up, no problem found

P. Lost left aft missile
S. Found it!

P. Any number of silly write-up's...
S. Corrected short between pilot headsets...
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Old 11-04-2014, 08:05 AM   #6
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Thanks for the morning giggle !
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