application to date my daughter

[Scott and Kathy]

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.



1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ______________________

2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q ___________ G.P.A.______________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # ________________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________
____________

5. HOME ADDRESS ____________________ CITY/STATE ____________ ZIP ____________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? __________________________________

If No, EXPLAIN __________________________________________________
___________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ___________________________________

8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? _______ A waterbed? ____________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? ________________________

(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? _________________________________

__________________________________________________
________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

__________________________________________________
_________________________

__________________________________________________
_________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? __________________________________________________
__________________________

__________________________________________________
__________________________

12. Church you attend _________________ How often do you attend ________________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________________________________________________
__________________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone -ever- I promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________________________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________________________

c) A woman's place is in the __________________________________________________
____

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ___________________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ___________________________

(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low.
Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ___________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

________________________________________
Signature (That means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases will notify you. (You might want to watch your back).

Do you still want to date my daughter?

_____ Yes, please accept my application

_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house..

________________________________

[Scott and Kathy]

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.



1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ______________________

2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q ___________ G.P.A.______________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # ________________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________
____________

5. HOME ADDRESS ____________________ CITY/STATE ____________ ZIP ____________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? __________________________________

If No, EXPLAIN __________________________________________________
___________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ___________________________________

8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? _______ A waterbed? ____________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? ________________________

(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? _________________________________

__________________________________________________
________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

__________________________________________________
_________________________

__________________________________________________
_________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? __________________________________________________
__________________________

__________________________________________________
__________________________

12. Church you attend _________________ How often do you attend ________________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________________________________________________
__________________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone -ever- I promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________________________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________________________

c) A woman's place is in the __________________________________________________
____

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ___________________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ___________________________

(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low.
Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ___________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

________________________________________
Signature (That means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases will notify you. (You might want to watch your back).

Do you still want to date my daughter?

_____ Yes, please accept my application

_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house..

________________________________