Arguing With Your Spouse in a RV

[RVThere]

Monty Python has a great skit called the ˜Argument Clinic'. A client goes into the clinic and pays a fee to argue with a true professional ˜arguer'. After 21 years of marriage, my arguing skills may not be at a professional level, but I'm sure I can at least be an Olympic contender.

But I found out over the years that one place NOT to have an argument is in your motor home. It's just not conducive to an argument abiding to the ˜normal and accepted' rules of engagement.

Our arguments start innocently enough:

Dictator behind the wheel: (at decibel level approaching threshold of pain) I NEED SOME HELP WITH DIRECTIONS UP HERE! (do you know how hard it is for a man to admit he needs help with directions?)
Wife: (taking a near ETERNITY, at least 10 seconds, to come up to the co-pilot seat) Whaaaat?
Dictator behind the wheel: Should I take I-95 or the Turnpike?
Wife: What state are we in?
Dictator behind the wheel: HUUUUN-NEE, we've been in Florida for 6 hours...
Wife: How am I supposed to know that?
Dictator behind the wheel: MAYBE if you didn't spend all your time in the ˜cave' (what we call the back bedroom) reading romance novels, you would know that!
Wife: Take 95.
Dictator behind the wheel: 95 takes you too close to Miami. I'm worried about traffic.
Wife: Then take the Turnpike.
Dictator behind the wheel: But I don't have a Sun-Pass.
Wife: But you have an EZ-Pass.
Dictator behind the wheel: EZ-Pass doesn't work on the Florida Turnpike.
Wife: It works in Chicago and New York.
Dictator: WE"�RE NOT IN CHICAGO OR NEW YORK!
Wife: Stop being so critical!
Dictator behind the wheel: Here comes the exit, what direction should I go?
Wife: NORTH!
Dictator behind the wheel (with the tone of a teacher who is saving a student from eternal geographic damnation): HUUUUN-NEE. WE ARE DRIVING TO KEY WEST, the SOUTHERN MOST POINT IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME TO GO NORTH?
Wife: IF YOU'RE SO SMART, FIGURE IT OUT BY YOURSELF!

But what argument doesn't end without the wife huffing off to the bedroom and the husband going to take a ride to ˜clear his head'. The only problem in a RV is that the husband CAN STILL drive off but your wife in the bedroom COMES ALONG FOR THE RIDE!

Arguments when you are parked in a campground are truly ˜uber verboten'. The problem here is that RV's are designed to keep out the elements and to look real nice, but they have the same soundproofing as those rice paper walls you see in Japanese tea houses.

Don't believe me? Try this experiment. Park overnight in a 24-hour Wal-Mart with a PA speaker located in it's outdoor garden center. Did you ever realize HOW MANY TIMES they need to locate the Assistant Manager between 1 A.M. and 4 A.M.? ˜Pick up line 7.' ˜You are needed in Aisle 57'. ˜Assistant manager needed for price check'. Within the confines of your RV, this will all come in ˜LOUD AND CLEAR'.

To compensate for this lack of privacy, you need to master the technique known as the ˜WHISPER-YELL'. It's almost like being a ventriloquist. Follow these simple steps:
- Keep your jaw perfectly still.
- Tilt your head a little to the side.
- It helps if you can have a vein bulge in your forehead or neck.
- Then through clenched teeth, correct your partner in the least endearing way possible.
She will get the message but the neighbors will think everything is hunky-dory. If your wife, like mine, is of Italian descent, she will reply in kind but will LEAVE OUT the ˜whisper' part. The Italians have a phrase ˜sotto voce' (sot-toh voh-che) which means ˜say it softly'. I wonder if they have a counterpart for ˜yell softly' like ˜sotto yell-che' or something.

But then comes the great reconciliation period. Within a RV, you are like two inmates sharing a cell. You realize that you better get along or else your ˜sentence' will be a long one. But come to think of it, if my neighbors can hear us arguing, can they hear us making up???

[RVThere]

Monty Python has a great skit called the ˜Argument Clinic'. A client goes into the clinic and pays a fee to argue with a true professional ˜arguer'. After 21 years of marriage, my arguing skills may not be at a professional level, but I'm sure I can at least be an Olympic contender.

But I found out over the years that one place NOT to have an argument is in your motor home. It's just not conducive to an argument abiding to the ˜normal and accepted' rules of engagement.

Our arguments start innocently enough:

Dictator behind the wheel: (at decibel level approaching threshold of pain) I NEED SOME HELP WITH DIRECTIONS UP HERE! (do you know how hard it is for a man to admit he needs help with directions?)
Wife: (taking a near ETERNITY, at least 10 seconds, to come up to the co-pilot seat) Whaaaat?
Dictator behind the wheel: Should I take I-95 or the Turnpike?
Wife: What state are we in?
Dictator behind the wheel: HUUUUN-NEE, we've been in Florida for 6 hours...
Wife: How am I supposed to know that?
Dictator behind the wheel: MAYBE if you didn't spend all your time in the ˜cave' (what we call the back bedroom) reading romance novels, you would know that!
Wife: Take 95.
Dictator behind the wheel: 95 takes you too close to Miami. I'm worried about traffic.
Wife: Then take the Turnpike.
Dictator behind the wheel: But I don't have a Sun-Pass.
Wife: But you have an EZ-Pass.
Dictator behind the wheel: EZ-Pass doesn't work on the Florida Turnpike.
Wife: It works in Chicago and New York.
Dictator: WE"�RE NOT IN CHICAGO OR NEW YORK!
Wife: Stop being so critical!
Dictator behind the wheel: Here comes the exit, what direction should I go?
Wife: NORTH!
Dictator behind the wheel (with the tone of a teacher who is saving a student from eternal geographic damnation): HUUUUN-NEE. WE ARE DRIVING TO KEY WEST, the SOUTHERN MOST POINT IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME TO GO NORTH?
Wife: IF YOU'RE SO SMART, FIGURE IT OUT BY YOURSELF!

But what argument doesn't end without the wife huffing off to the bedroom and the husband going to take a ride to ˜clear his head'. The only problem in a RV is that the husband CAN STILL drive off but your wife in the bedroom COMES ALONG FOR THE RIDE!

Arguments when you are parked in a campground are truly ˜uber verboten'. The problem here is that RV's are designed to keep out the elements and to look real nice, but they have the same soundproofing as those rice paper walls you see in Japanese tea houses.

Don't believe me? Try this experiment. Park overnight in a 24-hour Wal-Mart with a PA speaker located in it's outdoor garden center. Did you ever realize HOW MANY TIMES they need to locate the Assistant Manager between 1 A.M. and 4 A.M.? ˜Pick up line 7.' ˜You are needed in Aisle 57'. ˜Assistant manager needed for price check'. Within the confines of your RV, this will all come in ˜LOUD AND CLEAR'.

To compensate for this lack of privacy, you need to master the technique known as the ˜WHISPER-YELL'. It's almost like being a ventriloquist. Follow these simple steps:
- Keep your jaw perfectly still.
- Tilt your head a little to the side.
- It helps if you can have a vein bulge in your forehead or neck.
- Then through clenched teeth, correct your partner in the least endearing way possible.
She will get the message but the neighbors will think everything is hunky-dory. If your wife, like mine, is of Italian descent, she will reply in kind but will LEAVE OUT the ˜whisper' part. The Italians have a phrase ˜sotto voce' (sot-toh voh-che) which means ˜say it softly'. I wonder if they have a counterpart for ˜yell softly' like ˜sotto yell-che' or something.

But then comes the great reconciliation period. Within a RV, you are like two inmates sharing a cell. You realize that you better get along or else your ˜sentence' will be a long one. But come to think of it, if my neighbors can hear us arguing, can they hear us making up???

[MtManLee]

As the old saying goes just dont got to bed mad. LOL

[Petro]

RVThere;

Thanks for sharing this with us. It sure hit home for me. I have been married for 50 years and I can't recall winning an argument in the motor home. If you ask my DW she will tell you it is just a memory problem on my part

Don

[MtManLee]

Here is the rule...when a woman in Texas asks you to do the dishes, you should do them, and if she tells you to leave you should really do it...or else you might end up like this poor fellow.

Police say a 20-year-old, Fort Worth woman faces an aggravated assault charge after she bit her boyfriend, broke a picture frame across his face and swung at him with a sword during an argument about him not doing the dishes.

The 21-year-old man told police that he became involved in an argument because the woman was upset that the dishes were not clean. Police said the woman told the man to leave the apartment, but he refused.

The woman then tried to physically remove the man and during the ensuing struggle she bit his right shoulder and broke a picture frame across his face, causing visible cuts.

Not satisfied, the woman then grabbed a 2-foot long sword and swung it at him, but missed.

The woman was released from jail after posting a $10,000 bond.The man and woman had lived together for four months.

As a matter-of-fact, let's simplify the rule. Just don't live with women from Texas. That should cover all the bases.