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Old 07-22-2011, 07:03 AM   #1
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Attorney Humor:::::

Attorney Humor ::::::
A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.


Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.


Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.


After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."


"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.


The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"


"OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer.



(keep reading)






"My Rolex!"
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:06 AM   #2
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Old 07-22-2011, 10:35 AM   #3
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Thumbs up

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Old 07-22-2011, 10:55 AM   #4
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What do you call a busload of attorneys at the bottom of the ocean?



A Good Start....
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Old 07-22-2011, 12:34 PM   #5
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No now guys You post threads like this and someone is likely to ask: How Many Lawyers to Change a Light Bulb?

And of course: I have to give you the answers.

Question: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer 1: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.

Answer 2: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

Answer 3: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

Answer 4: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this point being non-negotiable.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
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Old 07-22-2011, 12:44 PM   #6
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Do you know how to tell the difference in roadkill , between a dead skunk and a dead attorney?.

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Skid marks before the skunk.
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Old 07-22-2011, 02:06 PM   #7
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all this lawyer "humor" is funny....ONLY because they make themselves such easy targets!

But, to give credit where due, think of all the revenue they contribute to your local TV stations. Without them and the car dealers, there might not be any more "free" TV.
Ed
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Old 07-22-2011, 02:17 PM   #8
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99% of the lawyers make the remaining 1% look bad.
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Old 07-22-2011, 04:32 PM   #9
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My son is a lawyer. Guess what I'm going to do?

Snip, clip, paste. Snip, clip, paste.
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Old 07-22-2011, 06:15 PM   #10
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Of course. I've given the lightbulb one to several lawyers, Most of whom broke out laughing very quickly.

"We don't talk like that anymore" said one of them (president of the local bar assn too)

You notice attorneys belong to the Bar Association.
And what happens at Bars (People get plastered, get in their car, drive till the nice officer Smiley pulls them over, Go to jail and call an Attorney of course)
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Old 07-22-2011, 07:27 PM   #11
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And Grandpap always said do not trust a banker, do not trust a lawyer, but always trust in God.

Ken
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Old 07-23-2011, 04:51 PM   #12
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I bought my house from a lawyer.....

"To the best of my knowledge their are no leaks"

Well when it rain's, it pours.

Nothing a new roof and siding won't fix.

Henry, Barb & Willow.
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Old 07-23-2011, 10:29 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayne M View Post
My son is a lawyer. Guess what I'm going to do?

Snip, clip, paste. Snip, clip, paste.
Our condolences Wayne. You had such an honorable career. Just goes to show it can happen in the best of families.
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