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Old 01-11-2012, 06:24 PM   #1
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Can't argue with a cop

These are alleged to be actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that
were taken off their car videos.



1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (
NationalCrime
InformationCenter )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."
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Old 01-11-2012, 07:19 PM   #2
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Good points....

Ken
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Old 01-11-2012, 11:33 PM   #3
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Thanks for the laugh
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Old 01-12-2012, 10:20 AM   #4
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Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Driver: "No, and if you don't know, why did you stop me?"
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Old 01-12-2012, 10:33 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayne M View Post
Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Driver: "No, and if you don't know, why did you stop me?"
Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Driver: "Do you know how fast YOU had to go to catch me?"
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:00 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ramblin View Post
Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Driver: "Do you know how fast YOU had to go to catch me?"
Officer: "Do you know why I stopped you?"
Driver: "Yes, you couldn't catch anyone else!"
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:06 AM   #7
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For those with iPhone/ iPad's, load "Ticket Talker

(dunno about Droid)
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Old 01-12-2012, 01:46 PM   #8
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In the true story dept: I have argued with a cop and won.. But I argued in front of a judge. Did it twice, same cop and the judge does NOT like dismissing tickets.

I do, however, like that judge, She is honest (I like her as a judge, I don't know her otherwise)


In anothe true story comes twice.. One (the best) an officer in a small city stopps a violator (Speeder) and the guy claims to know the chief, misprounces his name. well the officer continues to issue the ticket and when he gives the violator back his license, registration and citation the jerk asks "Do you even know the chief".. The officer responds "Well, sort of, I sleep with his wife" (As you can guess, he was the chief).

Had a troper stop a violator who claimed to be real good friends with this trooper back at the post.. He at least got the name right, presented an old beat up copy of the trooper's business card and everything.. NEVER looked at the trooper's name bar or he'd have shut up fast (Same trooper obviously).

I do admit there are a few cops, including 2 chief's I do not much like.. but hey, I don't visit their juristictions any more. (The 3rd one I drive straight through).
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:23 PM   #9
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Tale was - Fellow drove by a cop and flipped him the finger. Cop does a u turn and pulls the fellow over. Fellow says you can't stop me because there is no such thing as contempt of cop. Cop replies- I'm stopping you for signaling a turn and not taking it - that is reckless driving.
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Old 01-12-2012, 08:35 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayne M View Post
Officer: "Do you know why I stopped you?"
Driver: "Yes, you couldn't catch anyone else!"
Driver: "Why did you pull ME? Everyone else was going the same speed I was!"
Officer: "Have you ever gone fishing?"
Driver: "Yes, but..."
Officer: "Did you ever catch ALL the fish?"
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:13 PM   #11
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Officer pulls over driver: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Driver: "NO! But I'll bet you'll tell me!"
Officer: "Smart Alec huh?, what do you do for a living?"
Driver: "I'm a rear end stretcher" (cleaned up for the faint of....)
Officer: "Oh yeah! And just what does a rear end stretcher do?"
Driver "Well, I can use two fingers and stretch a rear end a foot, or I can use both hands and all fingers and stretch a rear end 6 feet."
Oficer: "Ha ha! An what would you do with a 6 foot rear end?"
Driver: "Give him a radar gun and put him on top of an overpass."

(Ticket issued)
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:40 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayne M View Post
Officer pulls over driver: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Driver: "NO! But I'll bet you'll tell me!"
Officer: "Smart Alec huh?, what do you do for a living?"
Driver: "I'm a rear end stretcher" (cleaned up for the faint of....)
Officer: "Oh yeah! And just what does a rear end stretcher do?"
Driver "Well, I can use two fingers and stretch a rear end a foot, or I can use both hands and all fingers and stretch a rear end 6 feet."
Oficer: "Ha ha! An what would you do with a 6 foot rear end?"
Driver: "Give him a radar gun and put him on top of an overpass."

(Ticket issued)
Wayne.
Cleaned up it's not as funny is it?
Loved it anyway.
Larry
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