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Old 02-22-2007, 05:14 PM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Milan, TN
Posts: 450
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy
nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So
he tied her up and went golfing

*******************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read
it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." **************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must
tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God,
said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
**************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL!
Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband
calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

**************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him
a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his
second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army
dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a
jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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Old 02-22-2007, 05:14 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
jeeprubi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Milan, TN
Posts: 450
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy
nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So
he tied her up and went golfing

*******************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read
it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." **************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must
tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God,
said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
**************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL!
Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband
calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

**************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him
a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his
second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army
dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a
jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
__________________

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2006 Travel Supreme Select 45DL24
2013 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon. 35" tires, 4" lift
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Old 02-23-2007, 06:47 AM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Central Michigan
Posts: 462





<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Scottsdale:
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy
nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So
he tied her up and went golfing

*******************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read
it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." **************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must
tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God,
said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
**************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL!
Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband
calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

**************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him
a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his
second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army
dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a
jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
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"Apackof2 for the Road"
Pure Michigan
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Old 03-08-2007, 04:59 PM   #4
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 60
It will only be 51 years next month that they have been looking for me
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