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Old 12-13-2014, 07:29 AM   #1
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Did you ever wonder...

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOK STORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROADSIGNS?
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? (This one took me a minute)
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?
Kind Regards,
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May the roads rise up to meet you, May the winds be always at your back...
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Old 12-13-2014, 07:36 AM   #2
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Good stuff.
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Old 12-14-2014, 06:34 AM   #3
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If the road rises up to meet you, isn't that like hitting a bump?
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Old 12-14-2014, 10:28 AM   #4
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Great stuff! I copied that!
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Old 12-14-2014, 10:30 AM   #5
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Good stuff, but you don't have to yell.
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Old 12-14-2014, 11:55 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PushedAround View Post
Good stuff, but you don't have to yell.
DIDN'T CATCH THAT TILL YOU POINTED IT OUT!!!
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Old 12-31-2014, 10:10 AM   #7
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Why is it that we park on the drive way, and drive on the park way?
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Old 12-31-2014, 02:38 PM   #8
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Everyone laughed when I told them I was becoming a comedian. Well they aren't laughing now!
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Old 12-31-2014, 05:46 PM   #9
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awesome
you made our day
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Old 12-31-2014, 06:05 PM   #10
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To #15: YES
To # 22: YES
To #14: My brother used to work for a gas station, He had just finished mopping and cleaning the restrooms when a couple pulled in in a new Caddy,, he wanted a fill, she, the key to the lady's room which not-so-Little (6'6 1/2") brother had in his pocket still.

When she returned she said: You are out of tissue in the ladie's room.

He had just refilled so he went in to check,, Plaster all over, She had tore the dispenser off the wall and taken it with her.

now we know how they paid for the caddy,,,Selling toilet paper dispensers.

#29 actually has a senisable answer but,,, Well, ask if you want it, I do not wish to ruin the joke.
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Old 12-31-2014, 06:12 PM   #11
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Most excellent
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Flat towing a modified 2005 Jeep (Rubicon Wrangler)
Previously a 2002 Fleetwood Pace Arrow 37A and a 1995 Safari Trek 2830.
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Old 01-08-2015, 07:22 PM   #12
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Why is it if you have a horse voice you say there is a frog in your throat/
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Old 01-08-2015, 07:35 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mody n Domy View Post
Why is it if you have a horse voice you say there is a frog in your throat/
horse = hoarse
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