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Old 12-09-2014, 09:44 PM   #15
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Maybe this is why the DW doesn't understand when she asks. "steak or chicken for diner"? And I answer "yes".
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Old 12-09-2014, 09:53 PM   #16
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And these guys would all look at you and say "OK - Now how about that joke you were going to tell us?"




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Old 12-09-2014, 10:20 PM   #17
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oh yes I am laughing at myself
and number 3 is priceless,
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Old 12-10-2014, 05:36 PM   #18
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The x twins , ln and sin, took their brother etothe to a dance but he wouldn't get away from his table. ln told him that he needed to integrate. He replied, "Who would notice"
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Old 12-10-2014, 08:21 PM   #19
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Amazing - and after being retired for several years, still understand All of the points.

Here are some rules I lived by in my past life as a power plant designer:

Engineering Rules

1. Any design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

2. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

3. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

4. If you can't fix it -- document it.


5. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
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Old 12-11-2014, 09:04 AM   #20
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5. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
You forgot " incomprehensible to the owner "
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Old 12-11-2014, 09:09 AM   #21
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As a retired electrical engineer I was taught in college that the two rules of civil engineering were: (1) water always runs downhill & (2) Don't try to push on a rope.
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Old 12-11-2014, 09:17 AM   #22
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You forgot " incomprehensible to the owner "
Nope - we always uttered these ten words to make sure he was always in good hands: "I'm came from the manufacturer and I'm here to help"
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Old 12-11-2014, 11:14 AM   #23
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Okay, perhaps this will help the DW understand that I was telling the truth when one time a boat full of scantily clad women floated by, and I was drooling......over the boat! (it was a Douglas Skater)
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Old 12-11-2014, 02:16 PM   #24
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Okay, perhaps this will help the DW understand that I was telling the truth when one time a boat full of scantily clad women floated by, and I was drooling......over the boat! (it was a Douglas Skater)
Makes perfect sense to me!
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Old 12-11-2014, 02:43 PM   #25
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During the French Revolution, a priest, a doctor, and an engineer were all sentenced to be guillotined. On the day of their executions, the priest was called up first to the scaffold. He lay with his head on the block, facing upward, looking at the sinister blade about to remove his head.

The priest shouted out a prayer and a blessing to everyone present, and asked for the mercy of almighty God. The guillotine was released, the blade sped downward, but somehow, miraculously, stopped abruptly just above his neck. The crowd buzzed with amazement, and the executioners declared it a miracle. The priest was obviously not meant to die, and was freed.

Next was the doctor’s turn. As he lay looking up at the enormous blade, he shouted out an apology, and asked to be forgiven. He declared that all he ever wanted to do was cure people, and his wealth was simply a result of his good work and attentive care. When the blade was released and fell, incredibly, the same thing happened. It came to a sudden halt just above his neck. The priest, who was still standing nearby, declared it was another miracle from God, and the good doctor must be released. And so he was.

Finally the engineer was brought up. He was put into the same position, facing upward, looking at the giant, razor-sharp blade about to separate his head from his body. After a few seconds, he shouted out to the crowd, “Wait! I can see how to fix it!”
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Old 12-11-2014, 03:12 PM   #26
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As an engineer I've learned that a project will never be completed.....
you either run out of time...
or you run out of money.
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Old 12-11-2014, 03:33 PM   #27
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This is my favorite:

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.

It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.

He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer?

That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."

"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"

God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?
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Old 12-11-2014, 03:42 PM   #28
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At an engineering company Christmas party the owner, a Civil Engineer, was given a very nice over/under shotgun. He was was very touched and was having great difficulty assembling the shotgun with everyone watching so I said aloud, "This is what happens when you give a mechanical project to a Civil Engineer." The room erupted in laughter and the Mechanical Engineers stepped forward and finished assembly of the shotgun.
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