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Old 12-09-2014, 07:11 AM   #1
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Engineers Will Understand

10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand. Who Says Engineers Donít Have A Sense Of Humor?

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
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Old 12-09-2014, 07:55 AM   #2
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You should know that my original plan was to become an Engineer, and every one of those makes absolute sense to me.
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:17 AM   #3
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I can't stop laughing! I especially like #3! :r ofl:
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:24 AM   #4
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I am a retired civil engineer and I understand them all. That says something about the way we think!
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:29 AM   #5
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Current RV engineers, are stuck on, number one.
All systems controlled from a laptop.

What could possibly go wrong?
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:57 AM   #6
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As a retired electronics engineer, I really enjoyed your post.

BTW, how many Microsoft does it take to change a light bulb?

None! They just change the specification to "Darkness" and call it a feature.


From a recently graduated engineer: "Gee, four years ago, I couldn't even spell enganere, and now I are one."

Joel
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Old 12-09-2014, 09:11 AM   #7
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And for those that have ever had to work with DESIGN Engineers here's your bumper sticker:

There comes a time in every project where you have to shoot the Engineer and start production!
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Old 12-09-2014, 09:13 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stik View Post
And for those that have ever had to work with DESIGN Engineers:

There comes a time in every project where you have to shoot the Engineer and start production!

Do those engineers get combat pay?
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Old 12-09-2014, 09:37 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stik View Post
And for those that have ever had to work with DESIGN Engineers here's your bumper sticker:

There comes a time in every project where you have to shoot the Engineer and start production!
This is true. Here's another thing: ask an engineer a simple question like "why does wastewater flow downhill?" and the engineer will begin their answer "well, in the beginning there was this big bang and then.....etc.". Two hours and fourteen equations later they will finish up their answer with ".....and that's why gravity makes wastewater flow downhill"!
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:07 PM   #10
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I get them, I get them. I'm not an engineer, I just teach them multivariate calculus.
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:27 PM   #11
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Makes sense to me
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:27 PM   #12
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Thanks for the thread. I enjoyed them all!

Quote:
Originally Posted by frizzen View Post
I get them, I get them. I'm not an engineer, I just teach them multivariate calculus.
Great!.

Tomorrow when I get home and the DW asks how was my day, I'll tell it was Great Day. I didn't have to use multivariate calculus once.
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Old 12-09-2014, 08:42 PM   #13
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Retired Transportation Engineer here with an AA in Computers and the equiv of a Masters in Civil Engineering. Took my first computer class in 1966 but it didn't pay enough at the time.
Retired in 1999 after 30 years with the WA DOT.
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Old 12-09-2014, 09:12 PM   #14
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Too funny Thanks for sharing, and yes... I do understand

cheers,
Joopy
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