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12-14-2008, 06:06 AM
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#1
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Administrator in Memoriam
Newmar Owners Club Retired Fire Service RVer's Spartan Chassis
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Newark, DE
Posts: 25,898
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If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to
speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on
the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your
leisure, English lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't
ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do
people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send
cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?
__________________
Adios, Dirk - '84 Real Lite Truck Camper, '86 Wilderness Cimarron TT, previously 4 years as a fulltimer in a '07 DSDP
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12-14-2008, 06:06 AM
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#2
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Administrator in Memoriam
Newmar Owners Club Retired Fire Service RVer's Spartan Chassis
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Newark, DE
Posts: 25,898
|
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to
speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on
the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your
leisure, English lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't
ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do
people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send
cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?
__________________
Adios, Dirk - '84 Real Lite Truck Camper, '86 Wilderness Cimarron TT, previously 4 years as a fulltimer in a '07 DSDP
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12-14-2008, 07:59 AM
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#3
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Registered User
Excel Owners Club
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: North of the Mason Dixon Line
Posts: 1,565
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Good one Dirk, I imagine learning the English language can be hard. In high school my Spanish teacher was from Cuba and had a hard time between leather and lather, and of course being kids we’d give him the wrong word. Book2
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12-14-2008, 04:28 PM
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#4
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 807
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This is cool...I will share it with a couple of teachers.
__________________
**********
2022 Gulf Stream Envision 21QBS pulled by a 2021 Jeep Gladiator Mojave
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12-14-2008, 07:36 PM
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#5
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Community Administrator
Pond Piggies Club LA Gulf Coast Campers Outdoors RV Owners Club Entegra Owners Club Skyline Owners Group
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 40,507
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was famous for poking fun at our language.
Lori-
__________________
Lori (& Dave, my spirit guide) - RV/MH Hall of Fame Lifetime Member | My iRV2 Photo Albums
2016 Phoenix Cruiser 2350S, 2018 Phaeton 40IH,2006 Bounder 36Z, 2004 Cougar 285EFS, 2000 Aerolite 25FBR
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
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12-15-2008, 03:03 PM
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#6
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: North America somewhere
Posts: 30,593
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When in High School, my english teacher said English is the hardest language in the world to master.
__________________
2000 Winnebago Ultimate Freedom USQ40JD , ISC 8.3 Cummins 350, Spartan MM Chassis. USA IN 1SG 11B5MX,Infantry retired;Good Sam Life member,FMCA. " My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. John F. Kennedy
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01-09-2009, 04:18 PM
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#7
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Banning CA
Posts: 358
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How about this?
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight
attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
or is this more of a Pun, either way... punny
__________________
Hugh & Cyndi Reed
35' 2004 Damon Intruder 2 slide
2004 Honda Element toad
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