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Old 02-20-2013, 11:07 PM   #1
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Time for a new funnies thread...can't post in the older ones.

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Old 02-20-2013, 11:09 PM   #2
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*A Cow based Economics Lesson; SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

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Old 02-20-2013, 11:14 PM   #3
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A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the
sky clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said,
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time... Finally, he said, "Lord,
I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know
how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she means
when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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Old 02-24-2013, 06:52 PM   #4
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Everyone reading this will enjoy it - no matter which gender you are.........
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a
woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her
rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds... to continue shaving and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much; I had to put on my seat belt
and I dropped my electric shaver which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against
the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs!

Splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers!
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