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Old 05-28-2016, 08:25 AM   #15
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Two law partners hire a new cute, young secretary and a contest arises between them as to who can bed her first, even though they're both already married. Eventually one of them scores with her and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. "So what did you think?" he asks.

"Ahh," replies the first lawyer, "my wife is better."

Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the secretary. "So," asks the first guy, "what did you think?"

The second guy replies, "You were right."
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Old 05-28-2016, 10:26 AM   #16
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Since I'm an engineer, this is a favorite of mine-

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.

He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air
conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a
pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush
toilets, and escalators. And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come
up with next."

"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."
"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him!"
God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?
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Old 05-28-2016, 10:32 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mhudson View Post
There are only about 4 lawyer jokes. The rest are true stories.

I believe that this post says it all .
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Old 05-28-2016, 01:07 PM   #18
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What is the Difference between a lawyer and a Cat Fish?

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One is a Bottom Dwelling Scum Sucker and the other is a Fish.
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Old 05-28-2016, 06:14 PM   #19
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Well there's the one about the lawyer that had diarrhea, thought he was melting.
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:50 PM   #20
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Two businessmen and a lawyer shipwrecked in a lifeboat in the South Pacific
They see an Island
First businessman jumps in the water and swims for it
Sharks chase him, but he makes it to shore
Second business guy reluctantly jumps in and swims for his life to shore, suffers a bite or two...
Lawyer jumps in and does a leisurely back float to shore and the sharks just circle him
He walks up on the beach and one says to him, HEY..we nearly get eaten and you just float in? What gives? "Professional courtesy answers the lawyer".
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Old 06-01-2016, 01:19 AM   #21
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.

What is the difference between a lady of the night and an IRS lawyer? The lady of the night stops doing it to you (insert adult behavior here) when you run out of money.

What is the difference between a lady of the night and a lawyer? The lady of the night does it to you for money, the lawyer does it to someone else for money.

Why won't doctors perform open heart surgery on lawyers? They can never find it.

Confession: several lawyers in the family!
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