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Old 05-25-2016, 11:48 AM   #1
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How about some lawyer jokes

There were three men, a Hindu man, a Muslim man, and a Lawyer traveling together when they realized that they were lost. They were quickly running out of daylight. As the sun began to set, they found themselves at a remote farm house, so they knocked on the front door and asked the farmer if they could spend the night with him. He told them that in his home, he only had room for two of them, the other one would have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu man said that he could sleep in the barn and so off he went. Soon there was another knock on the door. The Hindu man was standing there and said, "I can't sleep in the barn, there's a cow in there, and I can't sleep under the same roof with a cow."
The Muslim man said, "OK, I'll sleep in the barn." After a very short time had passed, there was another knock on the door. The Muslim man was standing there and said, "I can't sleep in the barn, there's a pig in there, I can't sleep under the same roof with a pig."
"Fine!" said the lawyer, "I'll sleep in the barn" and so off he went. There was soon some commotion and another knock at the door, and there at the front door stood the cow and the pig.
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:02 PM   #2
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A high profile case was being heard in a small town.
A witness was a little old lady.
The defense lawyer asked her if she knew him? She said yes, your the lawyer with the drinking problem who cheats on your wife.
He quickly asks if she knows the prosecuting lawyer? She replies yes he was the one who embezzled thousands from the justice system.

The judge called the two lawyers up to the bench and warned them that if either of the two idiots asked her about him. He would send them both to the electric chair.
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Old 05-25-2016, 01:03 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by narampa View Post
A high profile case was being heard in a small town.
A witness was a little old lady.
The defense lawyer asked her if she knew him? She said yes, your the lawyer with the drinking problem who cheats on your wife.
He quickly asks if she knows the prosecuting lawyer? She replies yes he was the one who embezzled thousands from the justice system.

The judge called the two lawyers up to the bench and warned them that if either of the two idiots asked her about him. He would send them both to the electric chair.

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Old 05-25-2016, 01:09 PM   #4
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If it wasn't for lawyers you'd never need one.
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Old 05-25-2016, 01:17 PM   #5
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Lawyers ARE a joke. Need proof? Just look at what most politicians were before they became politicians. Lawyers!
Politicians are the biggest joke of all.
I rest my case!
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Old 05-25-2016, 01:57 PM   #6
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What do you call 50 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean??

A good start...
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Old 05-25-2016, 01:58 PM   #7
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I read that researchers are now using lawyers instead of rats for lab experiments. Come to find out there are some things they can't get a rat to do...
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Old 05-25-2016, 02:56 PM   #8
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Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.
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Old 05-25-2016, 03:06 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grumpy0374 View Post
Lawyers ARE a joke. Need proof? Just look at what most politicians were before they became politicians. Lawyers!
Politicians are the biggest joke of all.
I rest my case!
Grumpy
: thumb:
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Old 05-26-2016, 07:27 AM   #10
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95% of lawyers give the other 5% a bad name.


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Old 05-28-2016, 03:28 AM   #11
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Our local university research laboratory is going to use lawyers instead of rats for ongoing studies. Apparently they found that there were somethings that rats would not do!
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Old 05-28-2016, 04:33 AM   #12
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Why do sharks not bite lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Old 05-28-2016, 04:42 AM   #13
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What group is worse than lawyers? Insurance adjusters! I used to blame lawyers for many of society's problems until I was in an auto accident that wasn't my fault.
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Old 05-28-2016, 08:17 AM   #14
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There are only about 4 lawyer jokes. The rest are true stories.
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