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Old 10-17-2012, 08:40 PM   #1
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Jokes for Seniors

A group of 40-year-old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice bums.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good, the wine selection was good also, and the waiters were cute.

Please share your good ones in return for this!


10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet, the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean, and the waiters were sweet boys.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible, they even had an elevator, and the waiters were kind.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:54 PM   #2
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Woo Hoo !!!!
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:40 PM   #3
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DR. SEUSS ON OLD AGE

I cannot see

I cannot pee

I cannot chew

I cannot screw

My memory shrinks

My hearing stinks

No sense of smell

I look like hell

My body's drooping

Have trouble pooping

The Golden Years have come at last

The Golden Years can *(you know what)*
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:43 PM   #4
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You Know You're Getting Old When...

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your back goes out more than you do.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You start video taping daytime game shows.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.
You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
Happy hour is a nap.
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
You don't remember being absentminded.
You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.
You tip more and carry less.
You read more and remember less.
You get propositioned by AARP.
Younger women start opening doors for you.
You begin to become invisible in the dating and mating game.
The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.
You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
You are no longer 'promising'.
Younger men ask you for advice.
You work on your short game.
Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
Youthful indiscretions harden into bad habits.
You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
Your medical expenses go up 50%.
A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
You learn where your prostrate is.
You develop a knack for wearing hats.
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Old 10-19-2012, 01:23 PM   #5
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Three things happen when you get old.

First, you lose your memory.

I'll be darned if I can remember the other two.
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Old 10-19-2012, 02:28 PM   #6
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bwahahahaha! good one! I hope I can remember that one lol
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:51 PM   #7
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You know you are getting old when:

All the names in your speed dial end in MD
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:36 PM   #8
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Husband takes the wife to a disco.

There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moon
walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy?

25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says:

"Looks like he's still celebrating!!!
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Old 11-02-2012, 01:40 AM   #9
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I am in my 80+ an a verry good frind of mine bought him self a sports car and he was telling me about the other night he was on the freeway and wanted to see just how fast his new car could go so off he went, he said that it diden't take long for it to reach 100 miles an hour when he saw a red light flashing in back of him and for a split sec. he thought "I can out run him" when he got up over 110 miles an hour he thought to him self What in hell am I doing? I could get kill so he slowed down and pulled over and stoped.
At that point the Officer came up to his window and tap on it then it rolled down. The Officer ask for his license & registration and looked at him and realize he look like his grandfather and he asked the driver. If you can give me a good excuse as to why you were driving so fast I may not give you a ticket.
So he thought for a moment and said.
Well Officer, my friend said, my wife rand off with one of your buddy a year or so ago and I had thought that you were trying to bring her back.
With that the Officer gave him back his papers and turn around and went back to his car and drove off.
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Old 11-04-2012, 10:29 AM   #10
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Here it is

A group of 40-year-old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice bums.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good, the wine selection was good also, and the waiters were cute.

Please share your good ones in return for this!

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet, the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean, and the waiters were sweet boys.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible, they even had an elevator, and the waiters were kind.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.[/QUOTE]
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Old 11-04-2012, 10:50 AM   #11
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A couple was having dinner with friends. At one point, the wives were out in the kitchen getting dessert ready. One husband says to the other, “We had dinner at a really nice restaurant this week. The food was great, the service was excellent and the price was right.”

The other husband responds, “What’s the name of the place?”

The first husband replies, “I knew you were going to ask. Hmmm, I’m having trouble remembering. Ummm...flower, long stem, thorny stem, red bud….”

The second husband, eager to help his memory challenged friend suggests, “Rose?”

The first husband, with a relieved look on his face says, “Yeah that’s right. Rose!” Then, in voice loud enough for his wife in the kitchen to hear, he says, “Rose, what was the name of that place we had dinner at this week?”
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Old 11-06-2012, 07:35 PM   #12
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LOVE that one! LOL
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