Life in Tennessee
A guy from Tennessee passed away and left his entire estate to his
beloved widow, but she can't touch it till she's 14.
How do you know when you're staying in an Tennessee hotel? When you
call the front desk and say, "I got a leak in my sink," and the clerk
replies, "Go ahead."
How can you tell if an Tennessee redneck is married? There's dried
tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in
Tennessee to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Tennessee ........
A Tennessee State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-30 and says to
the driver, "Got any I.D.?"and the driver replies " 'Bout wut?"
Did you hear about the $3 million Tennessee State Lottery? The winner
gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
The governor's mansion in Tennessee burned down! Yep. Pert' near took
out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books -
poof! up in flames, and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
A new law was recently passed in Tennessee . When a couple gets
divorced,they are STILL cousins.
A guy walks into a bar in Tennessee and orders a mudslide. The
bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?
"No," replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania " The bartender looks at him
and says, "Well, what do ya do in Pennsylvania ?" "I'm a taxidermist," said
the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What in the
world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man says,"I mount animals." The bartender
stands back and hollers to the whole bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us."
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The farmer replied, "Well because the dispute occurs on my land I get to go first. I kick you three times and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from his tractor and walked up to the lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushin from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart, now it's my turn."
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
USMC (Retired) Not as lean - Not as mean - but still a Marine!
2003 Itasca Suncruiser 38G Workhorse W22 8.1L, 2005 Grand Cherokee Toad