List of "Man Rules"

[Kountry87Air]

I received these "Man Rules" in an email. I don't know who wrote them down.


1.. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1.. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong..
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1.. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[pdq_bc]

thanks for the post
it made me laugh

but mostly....
it was a reminder of how grateful I am to be in I am in a same-sex relationship

regards, peter

[JazzZen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdq_bc thanks for the post it made me laugh but mostly.... it was a reminder of how grateful I am to be in I am in a same-sex relationship regards, peter

LOL The only thing better than a same-sex relationship might be no relationship! When I read stuff like this, I'm thankful to be alone!
We laugh most at the truth huh?

[RoyM]

That would be funny if it weren't so true. I have been married for only three months and have learned all of them the hard way.

[Wayne M]

I like #1 about the toilet seat. As something to add, I always put both seats down, the donut and the solid. When asked why I replied, "If I have to lift one, so do you!"

Having been married to the same woman for 49 years I can sometimes get away with those type statements - sometimes.

Oh! Yea ol' couch! There is nothing like single romance.

[Seajay]

We have a rule at our house about ''toilet seats''.
In my bathroom the seat is ALWAYS UP....... ALWAYS
In ''her bathroom'' the seat is ALWAYS DOWN..... ALWAYS.
This makes it simple except when her daughter come to see us and I give her my bathroom... ''Why the ''hale is the seat up in here?........ I fell in the damn toilet........'' Then Willa will chime in with ......''Who the hale left the seat up in my bathroom...''
I usually resort to using the toilet in the basement to prevent fights.....
GOD BLESS OUR VETS .....

[Kountry87Air]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoyM That would be funny if it weren't so true. I have been married for only three months and have learned all of them the hard way.

Remember that these "rules" are a joke and have absolutly no bearing on reality or a good relationship.

[Seajay]

Note to RoyM.............. If you have been married only a few months you must learn the rules posted and for a really successful marriage you must learn the SIX Words to a Successful Marriage.
YOU READY..........
here goes..........

''YES DEAR, ANYTHING YOU SAY DEAR ''

This prevents all those stupid arguments and dis agreements and tears on her part and you feeling like ''whale stuff'' on the bottom of the sea.
One other thing...... You dont have to really believe this statement but it will make your life much happier....... Been there ,,,,,, Done that with one wife for 43 years and another for going on 5 years now.

God bless our troops ......

[bdaball]

Outside-behind the tree, there is no seat!

[pkendzor]

And above all ........ For all you newlyweds......... Please Do Not Copy and Laminate these rules, and then place them in the fridge door.........Don't ask me how I know this !

Married 38 Years........ Almost didn't make 39
Paul

[jamsvet]

22 years ago, my wife said to me "If you sit down when you pee, I'll clean your bathrom, If you stand, you get to clean it." Been sitting ever since.

[CorsairIIAT]

Im sorry I still stand when I pee. Probably why I have been divorced twice.

[WilleyB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CorsairIIAT Im sorry I still stand when I pee. Probably why I have been divorced twice.

Well a fellow has to take a stand sometime. Don't he?

Cheers
Willey

[bldrbob]

Father in law always sat .Said it gave him an excuse to get off his feet for a little break.
BOB