North & South

[JC2]

The North has Bloomingdale's, The South has Dollar General
>> >>
>> >>The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
>> >>
>> >>The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
>> >>
>> >>The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
>> >>
>> >>The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
>> >>
>> >>The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
>> >>
>> >>North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
>> >>
>> >>The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
>> >>
>> >>The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
>> >>
>> >>The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
>> >>
>> >>FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>In the South: --
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
>> >>drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
>> >>help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
>> >>
>> >>Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
>> >>store....do
>> >>not buy food at this store.
>> >>
>> >>Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
>> >>is
>> >>plural possessive.
>> >>
>> >>Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
>> >>
>> >>Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
>> >>use
>> >>it.
>> >>
>> >>Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
>> >>can't
>> >>understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
>> >>transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck
>> >>or
>> >>big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
>> >>this
>> >>way. All of them are in denial about it.
>> >>
>> >>The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
>> >>
>> >>Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should
>> >>stay
>> >>out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>> >>
>> >>If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
>> >>accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
>> >>store.
>> >>It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to
>> >>go
>> >>there.
>> >>
>> >>Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
>> >>they
>> >>are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
>> >>
>> >>In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
>> >>is
>> >>to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
>> >>
>> >>AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
>> >>think
>> >>we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens
>> >>in
>> >>the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
>> >>
>> >>Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your
>> >>life
>> >>will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.
>> >>
>> >>Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

[JC2]

The North has Bloomingdale's, The South has Dollar General
>> >>
>> >>The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
>> >>
>> >>The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
>> >>
>> >>The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
>> >>
>> >>The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
>> >>
>> >>The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
>> >>
>> >>North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
>> >>
>> >>The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
>> >>
>> >>The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
>> >>
>> >>The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
>> >>
>> >>FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>In the South: --
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
>> >>drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
>> >>help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
>> >>
>> >>Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
>> >>store....do
>> >>not buy food at this store.
>> >>
>> >>Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
>> >>is
>> >>plural possessive.
>> >>
>> >>Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
>> >>
>> >>Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
>> >>use
>> >>it.
>> >>
>> >>Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
>> >>can't
>> >>understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
>> >>transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck
>> >>or
>> >>big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
>> >>this
>> >>way. All of them are in denial about it.
>> >>
>> >>The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
>> >>
>> >>Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should
>> >>stay
>> >>out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>> >>
>> >>If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
>> >>accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
>> >>store.
>> >>It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to
>> >>go
>> >>there.
>> >>
>> >>Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
>> >>they
>> >>are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
>> >>
>> >>In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
>> >>is
>> >>to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
>> >>
>> >>AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
>> >>think
>> >>we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens
>> >>in
>> >>the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
>> >>
>> >>Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your
>> >>life
>> >>will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.
>> >>
>> >>Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

[MCDDY]

And just what's the problem heah?
How many folks has anybody ever seen or even heard of that retire to the north.
Just come on down with lots of $$$, enjoy our mild winters, superior food and fall in love with our lifestyle, then retire here.
Just chill, it'll get done directly.

Dave

[mamaloya]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by JC2:

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should
&gt;&gt; &gt;&gt;stay
&gt;&gt; &gt;&gt;out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I can't stop laughing at this one. I have heard that so many times that I have lost count, and most ended in trips to the ER. The one that comes to mind first was when a neighbor boy shouted to my son and his other friend, "Hey ya'll, watch this!" He had my dd5 on the low end of the see saw and jumped off the slide onto the high end of it. She shot across the yard and broke her arm. My husband's lasts words before this even were, "She'll be fine in the back yard with those boys. Don't worry." Of course they first thing out of the boy's dad's mouth when I told him what happened was "how how'd she git". It wasn't funny then, but we sure laugh about it now.

[Lorna]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by JC2:
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

My favourite... I e-mailed to several members of David's family. I tell them that just because they were born in the South, that don't make them a Southerner and just because they were born in FL that don't make them a Native.