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Old 02-16-2010, 06:53 PM   #1
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Our Pets

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


Wayne & Roberta and Maggie the Miracle Dog
08 Winnebago Destination 39W Gas UFO Workhorse Chassis
Making the Journey in our Destination

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Old 02-16-2010, 11:28 PM   #2
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Oh so true.

"I won't be wronged I won't be insulted I won't be layed a hand on. I don't do these things to other people. And I require the same from them." (John Bernard Books) John Wayne The Shootist his last Movie.
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Old 02-17-2010, 04:08 AM   #3
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I awoke Bailey and Gypsy from their morning bonding session with the DW and discussed the new rules. They stopped cleaning themselves long enough to give me that stupid human look and I returned to my coffee and morning news Such is life...
Thomas & Betty w/Bailey & Gypsy (our fur-bearing masters)
07 Bounder 35e (F53)
07 Nissan Frontier or 2010 FLSTC toad
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:54 AM   #4
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Miya, our Husky, read this. She just had that look of, "Yeah! Right!" and walked to her favorite recliner in the other room, and jumped up and laid down. Fortunately she doesn't know, yet, how to work the recliner mechanism.

Thank you for the post. I laughed my fool head off.
Wayne MSGT USMC (Ret) & Earlene (CinCHouse)
2008 Winnebago Destination 39W
It is what it is, and then it is what you make of it.
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