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Old 02-07-2013, 03:46 PM   #1
Fleetwood Owners Club
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Posts: 99
Purina diet


Yesterday I was at my local Kroger buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out
line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was
now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant
and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
Laughing so hard.

Kroger won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
the World to think of crazy things to say.


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Old 02-07-2013, 03:55 PM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Hickory Tavern, SC
Posts: 258
Almost spit my Dr Pepper on DW!

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Old 02-07-2013, 04:18 PM   #3
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Tiffin Owners Club
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ALABAMA
Posts: 556

You and I are definitely on the same page.I haven't heard this one.I have just kinda semi retired 2 days ago and I am loving it.Good Luck and Many Safe and Happy Miles.
Billy & Millie (2013 Allegro 36 LA) USMC VET
2013 Hyundai GT, 08 Harley trike
Mastertow dolly/ Great Doxie- Gracie
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:59 PM   #4
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 736
The original punch line to that joke is:
"I was sitting in the middle of the street, licking my b**ls, and a car hit me."

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Old 02-10-2013, 09:12 PM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 11,244
I heard it as the DW prepared the food for him while she was on vacation. Came home and found he had been eating dog food. The doctor told her he would die and 6 months later when she ran into the Doctor he asked how her husband was doing.

She replied, "Oh, he died 6 months ago."

To which he replied, "See, I told you he would die from eating dog food!"

And she said, "He didn't die from eating the dog food. He was sitting on the couch, licking himself, fell off and broke his neck!"
Wayne MSGT USMC (Ret) & Earlene (CinCHouse)
2008 Winnebago Destination 39W
It is what it is, and then it is what you make of it.
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