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Old 02-24-2012, 01:05 PM   #1
IC2
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STAY and then some

STAY
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down
the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon
her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my
finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"

"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young BLONDE lady, gave me a strange
look and said, "Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"

------------------------------------------------
PEANUTS

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady answers, 'We just love the chocolate around them.............

---------------------------------------------
CRASH!
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

-----------------------------------------------

WHAT IS THAT?

A visiting Pastor was offering an eloquent prayer. With his hands raised to heaven,
he began:

Lord, without you, we are but dust, ---

He never continued. At just that moment, a little girl, who had been paying attention for a change, turned to her Mom, and in her best loud, shrill little girl voice asked:

Mom, what is butt dust?
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:01 PM   #2
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Very funny!!
Thanks!
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Old 02-25-2012, 06:35 PM   #3
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Old 02-25-2012, 06:52 PM   #4
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Excellent!
Stay!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-25-2012, 07:48 PM   #5
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Someone is reading and copying from Readers Digest.....
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Old 02-25-2012, 07:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXiceman View Post
Someone is reading and copying from Readers Digest.....

Possibly they copied from ME or my joke supplier - I don't/wont read that rag
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Old 02-26-2012, 08:29 AM   #7
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I laughed out loud at a few of them...thanks!
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