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Old 11-16-2012, 12:11 PM   #1
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The blonde actress

A blonde actress was flying in a private plane when the pilot fell over dead. The actress grabbed the radio mike and started shouting Mayday, Mayday.

Soon a voice came back and asked her what was the problem. She explained the pilot was dead and she didnít know how to fly a plane.

The voice said stay calm Iíll get someone to help. A few minutes later a voice came back saying this is captain Jones, Iím here to help and we will get you down safe.

Now tell me Captain Jones said what is your height and position?
The blonde replied Iím 5í 9Ē and Iím sitting in the airplane.

After a brief moment Captain Jones replied, repeat after me:







Our father which art in heavenÖ.
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Old 11-16-2012, 01:00 PM   #2
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Male Log


This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:








A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping

for me and buy one carton of milk.



And if they have avocados, get 6."




A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons

of milk.



The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."



(If you're female, I'm sure you're going back to read it


again! Males will get it the first time.)



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Old 11-16-2012, 06:30 PM   #3
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ROFLM#####
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Old 11-16-2012, 06:43 PM   #4
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Loved them both!
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Old 11-16-2012, 06:50 PM   #5
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Another old one was she gave him a list (my memory fails me) but kind of like this:
1. Head of lettuce
2. Avocado
3. artichoke
4. mushroom soup
and a few others.
He comes home with one head of lettuce, two avocados, three artichokes, four cans of mushroom soup and 5, 6, 7 of whatever else was on the list.
(No it was not really something I did)
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Old 11-16-2012, 08:05 PM   #6
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seeing-eye dogs

This is a joke told by Bette Midler in a 'Vegas show. I sent this to my blind cousin--she thought it was a stitch.

Two mature women were walking their dogs, Ann had a doberman and Betty had a chahuahua.
Ann said, "Why don't we stop at this bar for a pick-me-up?"
"We can't take the dogs in there", Betty said.
"Sure we can, watch me." Ann put on a pair of sunglasses and entered.
The bouncer said, "You can't come in here with that dog".
Ann said, "He's my seeing-eye dog".
He said, "I've never seen a doberman as a seeing-eye dog." But he let her in.
Betty came in next after putting on sunglasses.
The bouncer said, "You can't come in with that dog".
Betty said, "He's my seeing-eye dog".
He said that he'd never seen a chahuahua as a seeing-eye dog.
Betty said, "They gave me a f***ing chahuahua?"
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