The Worst Day of My Life

Pawnee Dan · 09-23-2010, 07:12 PM

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink, when a big, fat, ugly, biker sits down next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig...

"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. Then I found my wife in bed with the gardener. To top it off, my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!"

"But enough about me, how's your day going?"

pkendzor · 09-25-2010, 02:06 PM

WOW...... And I thought I had some bad days...... LOL

Seajay · 09-27-2010, 08:34 AM

You tell this for a joke but this actually happened to my uncle...

Uncle Wade lived alone in a small house in a neighborhood that had deteriorated over the years. He noticed that things started coming up missing when a certain group of kids moved into the neighborhood. His lawn chair, wheel barrow, garden hose, etc etc etc all came up missing over time and he reported it to the police but little happened. After that, things got much worse as his house was being broken into about once a week. We figured it was kids because all that was usually taken was candy from his candy dish and soda from his refrigerator...... We called the police but nothing happened so we devised a ''plan''...........

We went to the drug store and bought several packs of ''EXLAX'' That is a laxative that looks and tastes like chocolate. It is in little squares kinda like Hersey Treats.... We carefully wrapped each piece in foil and put it into the candy dish... I put a sign on his front door that said ''HAUNTED HOUSE, KEEP OUT''..............

A few days later, true to form, Wades house was broken into and all the ''candy'' out of the candy dish was taken along with two sodas.

For a few days two of the kids were missing from the ''group''....... When they did emerge from their house they looked like they had lost five pounds each and they looked pretty rough. From then on, Wade could leave his house unlocked and the front door open and no one but no one would enter his house. I guess they figured the house was really HAUNTED......
I suspect they never figured out that they were not eating CHOCOLATE. ....lol...

God bless and protect our troops and bring them home soon and safe.....

Ok ladies, Veterans Day is coming soon and when you see a Vet I want you to Kiss him on the cheek and say ''THANKS FOR YOUR SERVICE MY HERO''... And you guys will do the same for any ''Lady Vet'' you see. And here is the ''deal''........... Anyone not doing this I will personally send Wayne the Marine around to KISS YOU.......LOL.... You probably wont like that.......

pjeffreysr1 · 10-03-2010, 08:56 PM

Not a joke - but a true story. Just a to set the scene. Our oldest is a very proud former Marine. And we ALWAYS thank srevice personal, as well as fire and police for their sevice. DW and I were at a local Cracker Barrell Restaurant here in Charleston, WV. A gentleman came walking towards me. I stopped him by saying: "You are a Marine, aren't you." Startled, he said yes. I Thanked him for his service. He said: "Retired-22 years." Then he asked how I knew. "By the way you walk and how you hold your hands." "Do you mean that 12 years out of the corps, and I still "cup" my hands?" I said.: "Yes - and I am glad to meet yu." You Marines will know what cupping the hands means. For everyone else, it means closing your hands with the thumbs pointing down along the outer trouser seam. Always remember: EVERY right you have was won by some service person on a battlefield. God bless the US.