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Old 07-03-2016, 10:41 PM   #1
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Things I learned from my mother...

I OWE MY MOTHER......*

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."*

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."*

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"*

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."*

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."*

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."*

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."*

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."*

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"*

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."*

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."*

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"*

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."*

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"*

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."*

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."*

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"*

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."*
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Old 07-03-2016, 10:56 PM   #2
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Nice!
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Old 07-03-2016, 11:21 PM   #3
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My mother taught me humility...all else can be moderated.
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Old 07-04-2016, 07:08 AM   #4
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Marine Corps bootcamp and the Drill Instructors were a piece of cake, thanks to my Mom!
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Old 07-04-2016, 12:33 PM   #5
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Good one!
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Old 07-04-2016, 01:04 PM   #6
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Love it. So appropriate and I sent it onto my sister.
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Old 07-04-2016, 01:51 PM   #7
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Still laughing.....
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