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Old 08-09-2011, 09:03 AM   #1
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Things you should know. BOUT THE SOUTH and the west

Cowboy rules for:

Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers!
Refer back to #1!

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Old 08-23-2011, 05:00 PM   #2
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I second the above!

Cheers from Central Texas
SPICoaster - 2008 Holiday Rambler Alumascape Suite 5th Wheel
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Old 08-23-2011, 05:56 PM   #3
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Ain't it the truth... but the "west" stops being the west somewhere around the California/Arizona boarder and the sushi shops begin to crop up again.

I'm a city boy and have heard that "smells like money" thing many times... but it just ain't true. Still smells like what cattle leave behind to me.

Rick, Nancy, Peanut & Lola our Westie Dogs & Bailey the Sheltie.

2007 Itasca Ellipse 40FD
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Old 08-23-2011, 06:02 PM   #4
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Texas is not the South and not the West. Texas is TEXAS...plain and simple.

Amateur Radio Operator (KE5DFR)|Full-Time! - 2012 6.7L Ford Crew Cab Dually -2013 HitchHiker Champagne 38RLRSB - Travel with one Standard Schnauzer and one small Timneh African Gray Parrot
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Old 09-02-2011, 12:49 PM   #5
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It is the money smell ( Coral # 5)
99 F-350 4X4 PSD pulling a 24' Nash travel trailer
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Old 09-03-2011, 12:15 AM   #6
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You forgot about those who come from up North and because they bought property in the South, they believe that makes them Southerners.

To which I reply "A cat may have kittens in an oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits!"

SSgt. Richard L Ray, USAF (Retired) - Laura L Ray
Our second home is a vintage 1995 Jayco Eagle 277RB 'The Love Shack"
towed by a 2008 Ford F-250 Lariat Crew Cab short bed "The Green Goblin"

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