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Old 07-23-2012, 05:51 PM   #1
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This is why I am single......

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
_________





At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,


'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
____________

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
_________

A woman is incomplete until she is married..
Then she is finished .
__________





A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa ,
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________

Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married, and by then, it was too late.'
_________



Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________

Just think, if it weren't for marriage,
men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky. Mine's still alive.'
__________
'A Woman's Prayer’
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom to understand a man,
Love to forgive him, and patience for his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
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Old 07-24-2012, 12:03 AM   #2
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Marriage: Would you want something you don't have of have something you don't want.

Or is it: Would you rather have something you don't want or want something you don't have.
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Old 07-24-2012, 08:07 AM   #3
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Reminds me of something my father use to say circa 1965. It should cost $20,000 to get married and 2 cents to get a divorce.
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Old 07-24-2012, 11:42 AM   #4
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I still like:
The Husband Store A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!" So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and The sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and The sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. The 1st floor has wives who love sex. The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money. The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.
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Old 07-24-2012, 12:04 PM   #5
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Good one mick, my DW reading your post over my shoulder just found the strength, but I'm still alive...
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Old 07-24-2012, 12:28 PM   #6
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Why do so many married men die before their time ?

They want to !
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Old 07-24-2012, 02:56 PM   #7
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Why do divorces cost so much?............







Cause they are worth it.
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Old 07-24-2012, 03:01 PM   #8
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The shortest grammatically correct sentence in the English language is "I do."



The longest sentence in the English language is "I do." also, it's a life sentence.
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Old 07-24-2012, 03:17 PM   #9
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What food makes women stop having sex?

Wedding cake.
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