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Old 06-23-2005, 01:03 PM   #1
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This is a chapter of my writings mostly done in Wal-Mart coffee shops all over the place between home and Portsmouth, Va. It is called Y"gotta Luv Traffic Jams.

Y'gotta luv 'em! Here we are poking along an Interstate at 70 mph, nice day out, good music on the radio and all and we enter a curve there are miles of tail lights, all lit up. Automatically I switch to the TJ mode (Traffic Jam), look for the shortest line, glance in the mirror to see if that Freightliner I just passed will not be rolling over me, and then I settle down for an undetermined time.

Now there are many types of TJ's. One is when they begin roadwork and three lanes are reduced to only one and it is 4:00 pm. Out come the cell phones, "Honey, I'm in a backup, it is horrible, I'll be late" Now with only a slight bit of imagination you can pretty well almost hear what Honey is saying at the other end.

As for all of you, I've hit some good ones. Washington D.C. comes to mind, from Dale City north o 95 to Tyson's Corners. You will see cell phones, maps, cigarette butts being tossed out the window and then along comes a Harley on the shoulder all the way to the next exit. That riles some folks, but hey, isn't that just one of the marginal benefits of a bike? It is good when you are trapped in back of a truck in the middle lane. In a five-mile jam you can lose a couple of dozen places as the right laners cut in front of a slow starting truck, mostly none use their flashers. You would be fascinated to learn all the information you can find on the back of a truck...if you want a job you can call a number, if you like his driving you can call another, or even if you don't like his driving too. the licence plate is from north Carolina and he has mud flaps from some service area in Tucson, you know there is a certain romanticism here, miles of stories and truck stops hidden between the flaps and the plates. If you are like me, I awaken from my child-like arm chair travels just in time to have two other cars cut in front of me, which tells me that the right lane is closed further on down the road.

Like I said, they can be fun depending on your degree of acceptance. If you have a zero tolerance then buy a cell phone. Then you have to take into consideration other passengers who are traveling with you, especially the person who is riding shotgun. The shotgun is usually full of options and various negative remarks about the intelligence of the D.O.T. who decided to do roadwork on the day we were driving through..

Another incident that remember clearly after many years, took place on the 91 north of Brattleboro, Vt., one lane was closed and it was on Labor Day and the cottages were being closed for the season and half the state of Connecticut was returning home. It was single file past Exit 4 at Putney but unfortunately I was heading north and not south, so I had clear sailing. I timely tried to I tread on soft sand, so to speak and offered a deal to Huguette whereas I would drop her off at Allen's Apple Stand off of Exit 5 and I'd get back on 91 heading south and have a good time in a monstrous one-lane traffic backup and then drive back and pick her up. Sorry to say but I did tread a bit too hard on soft sand, so to save my marriage I smartly changed the subject and continued north. After all there will be other traffic jams..


Again on 95 south in New Hampshire on yet another Labor Day, half the state of Massachusetts having shut down their camps and cottages in N.H. for the year blocked up the entire length of the highway is within the New Hampshire territory....all seventeen miles of it. Too bad I missed that one as I was again heading north.

Rush hour traffic is no big thing, a half hour to cross the Quebec Bridge and another fifteen minutes on Laurier Blvd., but still in all sometimes I'd get my coffee and my wooden replica of a cell phone that I made and take a ride over about 7:30 a.m.. I had rusted out '95 Mazda pickup and that blonde with her glasses perched on top of her head driving a '04 Acura next to me would not even THINK of cutting me off.. I'd get the morning news on the radio, have a coffee, talk into my wooden cell phone and smile at frustrated folks who unlike me, are not retired. It takes a sadistic frame of mind to get me into such situation and drawing so much pleasure from it.

Oh yes, lest I forget a few memorable bumper-to-bumpers, I have to share the Park with you. It is on the 175 between Quebec City and Chicoutimi. They don't get too many, but when they do, watch out. It is usually a semi and one or more passenger cars or someone tried to mow down a moose. This will cause the shutting down of both sides of the road. Ah man, one time my son and I were heading home from a fishing trip and suddenly we came to a dead stop. This was fun! Folks were out sitting on the guard rail having a smoke or yakking and a few wandered off into the roadside brush for a bladder-stress relief job. We broke out a soda and had some old nachos which we found under the seat. It was a pretty good jam too, as both sides of the road were blocked. We were there for over 45 minutes while the road crew was busily at work..I repeat, busily at work.


This paragraph is a tribute to the road workers as in many backups, as we approach the work site some two miles distant from whence we first we first entered the jam, the shovel will be working and five or six guys will be leaning on their shovels. Now I tip my baseball cap to them as had everyone been working at the same time, the job would probably had been done before I arrived and consequently I would have lost the pleasure of yet another T.J. and instead had merrily driven on my way arriving on time at my destination, an event which would call for some kind of celebration.

Recently I was exceeding the speed limit just a bit to hurry up and make the St. Louis 5:00 p.m. backup. Good thing I did as I almost missed the roadwork at the I-70/I-270 jct. work site. Traffic was stagnant, cells were out and general end-of-day panic and desperation had set in, much to my happiness. Then a short while later on the 44 I hit another one, somewhat smaller, but large enough to let me study the billboards.

Here comes the BIG ONE! Branson, Missouri..........I have been waiting years for one like this! Rt. 76 seems to be perpetual jam place, from downtown west up into the hills. Up there are such attractions such as the Shepherd of the Hill, Silver Dollar and a few others I guess. That Saturday morning was the beginning of a weekend long BBQ and a bunch of other stuff at the Dollar, up above of where we were going. From our campsite to the Shepherd, it is about six miles, at most. It took us an hour and a quarter, and the last hour was the last two miles up a hill. Had I gone to the Silver Dollar it would have taken me two hours instead. Had I known that I would have gotten tickets for there and had my backup and a BBQ to boot. The Ozarks are hills and hollers and up on top I could see other roads and they also were loaded with vehicules whose passengers were getting the hungries for BBQ. Fantastic jam. one of the best. Folks were even turning around and heading home too. (Obviously these people did not share my fantasy of snailing the highways caring little for spent time). In front of us a lady got out, fired up a smoke and walked along with the car. Others broke out drinks from the cooler in their trunk, while others stretched and walked, generally enjoying the welcome relief of driving. This, beyond any recollection, one of, if not THE best jam of my career.

So, sometimes I am in a hurry and when this happens I use the secondary roads, as they always seem to get me there on time.
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Old 06-23-2005, 01:03 PM   #2
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This is a chapter of my writings mostly done in Wal-Mart coffee shops all over the place between home and Portsmouth, Va. It is called Y"gotta Luv Traffic Jams.

Y'gotta luv 'em! Here we are poking along an Interstate at 70 mph, nice day out, good music on the radio and all and we enter a curve there are miles of tail lights, all lit up. Automatically I switch to the TJ mode (Traffic Jam), look for the shortest line, glance in the mirror to see if that Freightliner I just passed will not be rolling over me, and then I settle down for an undetermined time.

Now there are many types of TJ's. One is when they begin roadwork and three lanes are reduced to only one and it is 4:00 pm. Out come the cell phones, "Honey, I'm in a backup, it is horrible, I'll be late" Now with only a slight bit of imagination you can pretty well almost hear what Honey is saying at the other end.

As for all of you, I've hit some good ones. Washington D.C. comes to mind, from Dale City north o 95 to Tyson's Corners. You will see cell phones, maps, cigarette butts being tossed out the window and then along comes a Harley on the shoulder all the way to the next exit. That riles some folks, but hey, isn't that just one of the marginal benefits of a bike? It is good when you are trapped in back of a truck in the middle lane. In a five-mile jam you can lose a couple of dozen places as the right laners cut in front of a slow starting truck, mostly none use their flashers. You would be fascinated to learn all the information you can find on the back of a truck...if you want a job you can call a number, if you like his driving you can call another, or even if you don't like his driving too. the licence plate is from north Carolina and he has mud flaps from some service area in Tucson, you know there is a certain romanticism here, miles of stories and truck stops hidden between the flaps and the plates. If you are like me, I awaken from my child-like arm chair travels just in time to have two other cars cut in front of me, which tells me that the right lane is closed further on down the road.

Like I said, they can be fun depending on your degree of acceptance. If you have a zero tolerance then buy a cell phone. Then you have to take into consideration other passengers who are traveling with you, especially the person who is riding shotgun. The shotgun is usually full of options and various negative remarks about the intelligence of the D.O.T. who decided to do roadwork on the day we were driving through..

Another incident that remember clearly after many years, took place on the 91 north of Brattleboro, Vt., one lane was closed and it was on Labor Day and the cottages were being closed for the season and half the state of Connecticut was returning home. It was single file past Exit 4 at Putney but unfortunately I was heading north and not south, so I had clear sailing. I timely tried to I tread on soft sand, so to speak and offered a deal to Huguette whereas I would drop her off at Allen's Apple Stand off of Exit 5 and I'd get back on 91 heading south and have a good time in a monstrous one-lane traffic backup and then drive back and pick her up. Sorry to say but I did tread a bit too hard on soft sand, so to save my marriage I smartly changed the subject and continued north. After all there will be other traffic jams..


Again on 95 south in New Hampshire on yet another Labor Day, half the state of Massachusetts having shut down their camps and cottages in N.H. for the year blocked up the entire length of the highway is within the New Hampshire territory....all seventeen miles of it. Too bad I missed that one as I was again heading north.

Rush hour traffic is no big thing, a half hour to cross the Quebec Bridge and another fifteen minutes on Laurier Blvd., but still in all sometimes I'd get my coffee and my wooden replica of a cell phone that I made and take a ride over about 7:30 a.m.. I had rusted out '95 Mazda pickup and that blonde with her glasses perched on top of her head driving a '04 Acura next to me would not even THINK of cutting me off.. I'd get the morning news on the radio, have a coffee, talk into my wooden cell phone and smile at frustrated folks who unlike me, are not retired. It takes a sadistic frame of mind to get me into such situation and drawing so much pleasure from it.

Oh yes, lest I forget a few memorable bumper-to-bumpers, I have to share the Park with you. It is on the 175 between Quebec City and Chicoutimi. They don't get too many, but when they do, watch out. It is usually a semi and one or more passenger cars or someone tried to mow down a moose. This will cause the shutting down of both sides of the road. Ah man, one time my son and I were heading home from a fishing trip and suddenly we came to a dead stop. This was fun! Folks were out sitting on the guard rail having a smoke or yakking and a few wandered off into the roadside brush for a bladder-stress relief job. We broke out a soda and had some old nachos which we found under the seat. It was a pretty good jam too, as both sides of the road were blocked. We were there for over 45 minutes while the road crew was busily at work..I repeat, busily at work.


This paragraph is a tribute to the road workers as in many backups, as we approach the work site some two miles distant from whence we first we first entered the jam, the shovel will be working and five or six guys will be leaning on their shovels. Now I tip my baseball cap to them as had everyone been working at the same time, the job would probably had been done before I arrived and consequently I would have lost the pleasure of yet another T.J. and instead had merrily driven on my way arriving on time at my destination, an event which would call for some kind of celebration.

Recently I was exceeding the speed limit just a bit to hurry up and make the St. Louis 5:00 p.m. backup. Good thing I did as I almost missed the roadwork at the I-70/I-270 jct. work site. Traffic was stagnant, cells were out and general end-of-day panic and desperation had set in, much to my happiness. Then a short while later on the 44 I hit another one, somewhat smaller, but large enough to let me study the billboards.

Here comes the BIG ONE! Branson, Missouri..........I have been waiting years for one like this! Rt. 76 seems to be perpetual jam place, from downtown west up into the hills. Up there are such attractions such as the Shepherd of the Hill, Silver Dollar and a few others I guess. That Saturday morning was the beginning of a weekend long BBQ and a bunch of other stuff at the Dollar, up above of where we were going. From our campsite to the Shepherd, it is about six miles, at most. It took us an hour and a quarter, and the last hour was the last two miles up a hill. Had I gone to the Silver Dollar it would have taken me two hours instead. Had I known that I would have gotten tickets for there and had my backup and a BBQ to boot. The Ozarks are hills and hollers and up on top I could see other roads and they also were loaded with vehicules whose passengers were getting the hungries for BBQ. Fantastic jam. one of the best. Folks were even turning around and heading home too. (Obviously these people did not share my fantasy of snailing the highways caring little for spent time). In front of us a lady got out, fired up a smoke and walked along with the car. Others broke out drinks from the cooler in their trunk, while others stretched and walked, generally enjoying the welcome relief of driving. This, beyond any recollection, one of, if not THE best jam of my career.

So, sometimes I am in a hurry and when this happens I use the secondary roads, as they always seem to get me there on time.
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Old 06-23-2005, 01:17 PM   #3
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by 2Roadrunners:
So, sometimes I am in a hurry and when this happens I use the secondary roads, as they always seem to get me there on time. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Reminds me of the old truism - "If I had more time, I'd take this neat shortcut I know about!"

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Old 07-12-2005, 06:27 PM   #4
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Living in MA I have learned to time my sneaking in and out of state to coincide with the cover of darkness. It seems the trafic jamers are afraid of the dark and I rarly get tangled up with them. ( I don't think they can see their cell phones in the dark) Scotty.
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