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Old 02-14-2013, 07:21 AM   #1
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Two irish women in a bar


Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland .'

The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'

The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?'

The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.'

The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'

The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'

The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I ! So did I ! And what school did ya go to?'

The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course..'

The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?'

The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'

The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!'

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'

Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'

Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'

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Old 02-20-2013, 01:07 PM   #2
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In the original, the Murphy Twins are men.

Otherwise, you got it right!

Here's another of their encounters:

One sunny day here in Cairo-Misri, two men were sitting in a pub just beside my table, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there?

He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him.

" So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the houlder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?", "I'm from Dublin", second man stunned says, "Me too! What street do you live on?", "McCarthy street", second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?", the first man announces, "162", second man shocked says, "Me too! What are your parents names?", first man replies, "Connor and Shannon", second man awestruck says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!"

So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?" "Oh, the Murphy twins are drunk again."

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Old 02-20-2013, 02:09 PM   #3
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I hadnt read that before so it all sounds good to me!
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Old 02-20-2013, 02:34 PM   #4
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a woman named Helen Hunt finds a purse. She goes to the bartender and describes the contents and says she will be waiting by the door if anyone has lost one. The bartender yells out to the crowd. "has anyone lost a purse, if you have, go to HELEN HUNT FOR IT." ------------ actually a twist on an old Red Skelton joke.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:53 AM   #5
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A guy walks up to a lady who looks familiar from behind. He gives her a big hug, she turns around he realizes it's not who he thought it was. He says, "Oh, you look like HELEN BROWN!" She replies, "Ya, I don't look so good in red either!"
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:54 AM   #6
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Back on topic with the Irish theme:


The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders thatshe was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:11 AM   #7
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Irish Joke - "3 Pints of Guiness"
Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it . Your pints would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we’d drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way … ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don’t want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss. "Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, “Oh no,” he says, “Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me … I’ve quit drinking!”
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:35 AM   #8
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This is a TRUE STORY

One of my friends is a musician who loves celtic music and goes on tour in Ireland every year or so to play in the pubs.

One night he was playing in Dublin and one of the patrons asked him if he was a Catholic or a Protestant. He very carefully explained that he's Jewish. The somewhat drunk patron then asked if he was a Catholic Jew, or a Protestant Jew.
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Old 02-21-2013, 04:33 PM   #9
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Wondered if there were any Chinese Jews, so we asked the server in the Chinese restaurant. He said he didn't know, but would go ask the cook in the back, who knew everything. The server came back and said, "No sir, we have no Chinese Jews, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews, but no Chinese Jews!

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