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Old 12-17-2017, 08:13 AM   #1
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Understanding engineers

If you are one or at least work with them, these little ditties make sense:

Understanding Engineers One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers Two

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No,
actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I'll
stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."




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Old 12-17-2017, 09:02 AM   #2
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Great engineer jokes! I've worked in the engineering business for over 40 years and still haven't gotten to drive a train yet! Here's another one:

A doctor, an accountant and an engineer were sentenced to death by the guillotine. The doctor was laid on the guillotine first, looked up and noticed the rope was jammed at the top, but said nothing. When the executioner let go of the rope, the blade did not fall because of the jam. The executioner yelled, "Divine intervention! Set this man free!" The rope jammed again with the accountant and again the executioner yelled, "Divine intervention! Set this man free!" Finally, the engineer laid on the guillotine, pointed up and said, "I see what the problem is! The rope is jammed between the pulley and the column causing an increased friction coefficient!"
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Old 12-17-2017, 09:09 AM   #3
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these days we need to cuss the bean counters......they are running everything now.....and the 'stylists' are higher up the ladder than the engineers.
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Old 12-17-2017, 09:13 AM   #4
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Q: What’s the difference between and engineer and a bomb?
A: Only some bombs are retarded!
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Old 12-17-2017, 09:17 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anthem15 View Post
Great engineer jokes! I've worked in the engineering business for over 40 years and still haven't gotten to drive a train yet! Here's another one:

A doctor, an accountant and an engineer were sentenced to death by the guillotine. The doctor was laid on the guillotine first, looked up and noticed the rope was jammed at the top, but said nothing. When the executioner let go of the rope, the blade did not fall because of the jam. The executioner yelled, "Divine intervention! Set this man free!" The rope jammed again with the accountant and again the executioner yelled, "Divine intervention! Set this man free!" Finally, the engineer laid on the guillotine, pointed up and said, "I see what the problem is! The rope is jammed between the pulley and the column causing an increased friction coefficient!"

.......unfortunately, that could have been me though some of the Phd theoretical guys I worked with were flakier, me -Last mundt I kudn't spel Enginear. Now I are won .
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Old 12-17-2017, 10:43 AM   #6
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DW always tells me

You can ALWAYS tell an engineer....

You just can't tell them much!!
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Old 12-17-2017, 01:45 PM   #7
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Thats a good one!
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:24 PM   #8
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The 9 most feared words in the oilpatch......

"Hi, I'm an engineer and I'm here to help".
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:26 PM   #9
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Quote:
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The 9 most feared words in the oilpatch......



"Hi, I'm an engineer and I'm here to help".


Lol. I'm an engineer. In the oil patch and I have not one but TWO engineering degrees. I get to foul stuff up plenty.
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:37 PM   #10
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Lol. I'm an engineer. In the oil patch and I have not one but TWO engineering degrees. I get to foul stuff up plenty.
That's funny.

We give our guy's a hard time, all in good fun. Most have a sense of humor.
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:38 PM   #11
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funny good ones
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:48 PM   #12
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That's funny.



We give our guy's a hard time, all in good fun. Most have a sense of humour.


Well every time some body comes up with something idiot proof, somebody comes along with a better idiot...

Been doing this frac stuff for close to 12 years now and fun is better than crabby any day
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:50 PM   #13
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Sad but true...Every Traffic Signal I put up had on-site changes (mine) because they did not look up or down when doing the plans.
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Old 12-18-2017, 10:58 AM   #14
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Why are you making fun of people that don't have the logical thought process of an engineer? (says the engineer).
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