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Old 12-18-2015, 07:25 AM   #1
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UPS sense of humor

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:47 AM   #2
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:50 AM   #3
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Very funny. No wonder they can't learn to ring the doorbell when packages are delivered
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Old 12-18-2015, 10:46 AM   #4
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I was in the Air Force, did fire control radar maintenance. Had many similar, such as:

P. Radar control set knob loose
S. Knob job complete

Not uncommon were issues reported that were from incorrect use of the system. Such as reporting the radar range off by a factor of 3. Caused by having the range switch in the 3x position. We used to sign these off as CND (could not duplicate). Powers above came down with edict we could not use CND any more, as it made the pilot look bad. So we changed to 'duplicated write up, no malfunction found'. The powers above did not like this either...
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