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Old 08-20-2015, 09:40 AM   #1
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Wal-Mart banned me!

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart
Dear Mrs. Woolf,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.
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Old 08-20-2015, 09:58 AM   #2
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So many great ideas, wish I had thought of them. Now I can have some "quality time " next time I'm in Wally World !
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Old 08-20-2015, 05:03 PM   #3
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Some great ideas there!
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Old 08-20-2015, 06:54 PM   #4
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that's pretty good, and very funny! I like shopping at Wal-Mart mostly for the entertainment
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Old 08-20-2015, 07:13 PM   #5
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thanks for the laugh!
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Old 08-20-2015, 09:13 PM   #6
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Real good!!
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Old 08-20-2015, 09:43 PM   #7
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I was buying humming bird food (the liquid in the jars) for our feeder and another couple that had a feeder also. Since it is 28 miles to town, I was buying 10 jars. The checker said, " You must have a lot of hummingbirds." I said, "No, only one, but he is about 4 feet tall."
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Old 08-21-2015, 07:21 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by halfwright View Post
I was buying humming bird food (the liquid in the jars) for our feeder and another couple that had a feeder also. Since it is 28 miles to town, I was buying 10 jars. The checker said, " You must have a lot of hummingbirds." I said, "No, only one, but he is about 4 feet tall."

Funny!

I just wondered why you by humming bird feed. All the "experts" say just sugar water, one part sugar to 4 parts water, is just as good! Just use a feeder that has a lot of red on it to attract them. That red-colored feed is just a sales gimmick I'm told! We've never used anything but sugar water!
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Old 08-22-2015, 12:19 AM   #9
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I tried to read this to my DW, but I was laughing too hard!!

May I suggest one last grand departure "gift"? Get 3 small pigs. Label them "1" "2" "4" and sneak in and turn them loose!
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Old 08-23-2015, 06:26 PM   #10
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I did the TP one in K Mart here in Holland. My wife was nowhere to be found when I came out. K Mart has since closed.
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Old 08-25-2015, 04:40 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MSHappyCampers View Post
Funny!

I just wondered why you by humming bird feed. All the "experts" say just sugar water, one part sugar to 4 parts water, is just as good! Just use a feeder that has a lot of red on it to attract them. That red-colored feed is just a sales gimmick I'm told! We've never used anything but sugar water!
It is my understanding that the water and sugar need to be boiled first before feeding the birds or it will harm them. Also agree, we use green, blue and sometimes yellow water for some variation and they still consume it all very quickly.
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Old 08-25-2015, 04:48 PM   #12
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It is my understanding that the water and sugar need to be boiled first before feeding the birds or it will harm them. Also agree, we use green, blue and sometimes yellow water for some variation and they still consume it all very quickly.

I found this interesting.

Hummingbird Nectar (Hummingbird Food)
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Old 08-25-2015, 05:55 PM   #13
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Just too funny
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Old 08-26-2015, 05:26 PM   #14
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If you are concerned about the quality of the water, use distilled. Food coloring works for the coloring
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