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Old 12-12-2005, 08:37 AM   #1
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Location: Bonita Springs, Florida
Posts: 110
Guy Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! They are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Old 12-12-2005, 08:37 AM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Bonita Springs, Florida
Posts: 110
Guy Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! They are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
__________________

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Old 12-12-2005, 10:35 AM   #3
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Posts: 125
Amen to all of the above.
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2002 Chevy 2500HD CC/LB D/A
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Old 12-12-2005, 11:18 AM   #4
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Best post I`ve read in a while,will post it on the fridge and hide a blanket under the couch just in case.
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Old 12-12-2005, 11:36 AM   #5
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I copied it and placed it on the fridge........my dear wife has read it and given me the option of: reprinting it on flash paper or not...she will provide salt/pepper, kethcup or salsa...It appears that this list is supper...
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Old 12-12-2005, 01:34 PM   #6
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Okay guys. You had your fun. Now let me ask you this.....Was Coumbus heading to America? Opps. he didn't stop for directions, I guess.
I must say, and this is from a woman, I think this is very inventive. I think it is funny. But, I wouldn't want to be there when you guys show your wives. Have fun and Enjoy.
Toni
PS. I copied this and sent it out to a few of my female friends so that they understand the mentality of men. Thank you.
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Old 12-12-2005, 02:03 PM   #7
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I guess this "trips a trigger, or two". Good, clean fun, and the toilet seat part makes a lot of sense. Why is it, that we are always reminded to put it down? Has any guy here reminded their significant other to leave it up? Go figger!
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Old 12-12-2005, 02:04 PM   #8
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Skip, you a retired trooper?
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Old 12-12-2005, 02:33 PM   #9
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Rhandley, yer in fer it now!
Can't help, heading for the bunker!
Yer on yer own, it's every man fer himself!
Chet
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Old 12-13-2005, 07:29 AM   #10
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...it does say "it's like camping".
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Old 12-15-2005, 06:59 AM   #11
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by rhandley:
I guess this "trips a trigger, or two". Good, clean fun, and the toilet seat part makes a lot of sense. Why is it, that we are always reminded to put it down? Has any guy here reminded their significant other to leave it up? Go figger! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, the reason we need you to put the seat down is because we don't need a light on to go at night and when we go in there in the dark and sit down and the seat is up... SPLASH!!! Not a very nice wakeup call. LOL You need the light on and will see it is down. I have gotten into the habit of feeling, just in case.

I got my hubby to keep the seat down by telling him it is a drowning hazard to the littles, which it is, but hey extra benefit for me.

I loved the rules. I can't believe how true they are. My dh actually claims to prefer the sofa and often sleeps there by choice LOL He says our king size bed gets a little crowded after the 3rd kid climbs in. Lucky for him the sofa is comfy. He also heads there if I wake him up more than once because he is snoring. I don't even have to ask. He says it is because "I" am keeping "HIM" awake. Oh well, it works.

I am going to send this to all of my friends and to my dh. I lost my copy of the female rules in Katrina. This makes me want to look them up again.

I laughed so hard reading these. They are so so so true. I don't see why any woman would get offended though. Just so long as you don't bring them up when I am PMSing, then, May the Lord have mercy on your soul. LOL
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Old 12-16-2005, 04:28 AM   #12
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Even the Lord doesnt help me when it is going on.



<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Just so long as you don't bring them up when I am PMSing, then, May the Lord have mercy on your soul. LOL </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
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