Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

[jeeprubi]

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

[jeeprubi]

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

[bsavage]

LOL! I liked the last one especially, as I lived in the hippopotomous, er, buffalo area for 30 years of my life! Good ones!

Brenda, of...

[Tom and Patty]

That is good.

I liked the Fresno FAT. We have lived in Fresno since 1982, and about 8-10 years ago there was a big deal about Fresno being FAT. The city fathers wanted to change it. So Fresno became an international airport and "WE" now call it FYI. Fresno Yosemite International. I think it is hilarious since the FAA never did change the three letter designation. We are still FAT, but I guess to some, FYI makes them feel better.

[MonacoMama]

Tom & Patty...
I found your story to be hilarious! I think the headline story actually reads something like:
"Fresno officials say Fresno is FYI - but Feds still say Fresno is FAT"
...sorry...but I couldn't resist!

MM

[Medorg]

FAT = Fresno Air Terminal
I was a travel agent for 20+ years, and heard lots of good stories, back when
"Travel agents do it for free"
Now the airlines are screaming about the passenger load...they cut off the hand that fed them..but that is another horse to climb on.. thanks for the LOL.

[historyljc]

The airlines with their arrogant uncaring attitudes, poor service, and cramped planes deserve every "break" they get. They have helped to sell a lot of motorhomes, including mine.

[bsavage]

I've got to agree with that, historyljc. Everytime the media runs another horror story about the "flying experience", I am so glad we travel in the coach. I remember when it used to be fun to travel by air... I must be getting old, because that seems to be a thing of the past.

Brenda, of...

[historyljc]

Back when I could rarely afford to fly, flying was pleasure. The personnel were clean, smiling, friendly, caring and very helpful. The planes were well maintained, clean, the seats had more room and were very comfortable. Remember Eastern Air Lines before Frank Borman took over?

Today many airline employees are blatantly rude, sport an extremely uncaring attitude ("your flight was late so you missed your connection, its your problem"), fat (can't hardly get down the isles), unkept rumpled appearance, hair looks dirty and uncombed. The planes are anything but clean, the peanuts are the most expensive you'll ever eat, the seats are cramped and uncomfortable, and the looks of the aircraft do not inspire confidence as to their maintenance. Big patches of something that looks like rust on the wings doesn't do it for me.

My motorhome is clean (wipe your feet), comfortable, and I don't have to stand in line for two hours or go through any security to get on board. That diesel humming down the highway or back roads is music to my ears.

[JJ Hamick]

When I was in my 20's I was married to a flight attendant with Pan Am, remember them? I thought if you couldn't get there by air plane it wasn't worth going to. Now that I'm in my 50's I know if you can get there by air plane it's may not be worth going to.

[historyljc]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">I thought if you couldn't get there by air plane it wasn't worth going to. Now that I'm in my 50's I know if you can get there by air plane it's may not be worth going to. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Gee, isn't it amazing how our attitudes and tastes change over time.

I have an aunt that was a stew with Pan Am - way back when.

[mom2mastiffs]

I had a friend who worked for the Tourist Info center in Sedona, AZ. She has some great stories but my personal favorite:

A tourist came in and asked how many times a year they have to paint the rocks red........

[MtManLee]

Gotta luv them tourist. I worked at Petrified Forest National Park and used to have people come in looking for the forest. And some even were digruntled to see a rock forest laying on the ground.