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Old 04-24-2013, 12:37 PM   #1
CampDaven's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Fulltime, USA
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Wise Parrot

A young man named James received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. James tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, James was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. James shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, James quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto James’ outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." James was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly: "May I ask what the turkey did?"

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Old 04-24-2013, 02:08 PM   #2
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Damon Owners Club
Workhorse Chassis Owner
Join Date: May 2008
Location: N. Palm Springs CA (in winter)
Posts: 2,421
Old Rooster

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old [moderator edit], time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me.
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
And I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you a round the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive
domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster
takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and
the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer,
meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the
roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squawking
and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and
says, 'Dammit......
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this Story?..

Don't mess with the THE OLDER GENERATION Age, skill, wisdom,
and a little treachery,
Always overcome youth and arrogance!

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Old 04-24-2013, 07:02 PM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North Richland Hills, TX
Posts: 1,558
Sunday Sermon

This pastor was about to start his Sunday sermon and as was customary the pastor called all the kids to the front of the sanctuary to teach them a Bible lesson before he began his sermon. The pastor began," Today boys and girls we are going to discussing the Ressurection. Raise your hand if you have ever heard that term before." Several kids raised their hand and the pastor called on Billy saying, "Billy can you tell me what you know about the Ressurection?" Billy paused for a moment then proudly said, "Well...I know if it lasts more than four hours your supposed to call the doctor!" It took the pastor quite some time to calm down the congregations laughing so he could start his sermon.
'08 Winnebago Journey 39Z 350 Cummins w/ Freightliner Chassis, '14 Jeep Cherokee Trail Hawk
Herb n Barb, Abby, Molly, Gidget
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Old 04-24-2013, 07:58 PM   #4
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Location: N. Palm Springs CA (in winter)
Posts: 2,421
ACTS 2:38

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church Services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why Did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
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