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Old 01-26-2016, 01:18 PM   #1
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You can retire to......

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona, where...


1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.


2. You've experienced condensation on your behind from the hot water in the toilet bowl.


3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.


4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.


5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.


6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??


OR


You can retire to California, where...


1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.


2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.


3. You know how to eat an artichoke.


4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.


5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.


6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


OR


You can retire to New York City, where...


1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.


2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.


3. You think Central Park is "nature."


4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.


5. You've worn out a car horn (if you have a car).


6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


OR


You can retire to Minnesota, where...


1. You only have three spices - salt, pepper, and catsup.


2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.


3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.


4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.


5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.


6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different, she is different, or it was different!


OR


You can retire to the Deep South, where...


1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.


2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.


3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.


4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.


5. Everywhere is either "in yonder", "over yonder" or "out yonder".


OR


You can retire to Colorado, where...


1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.


2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.


3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.


4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


OR


You can retire to Wyoming, where...


1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.


2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor or cattle to cross the road.


3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.


4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"


OR


Finally, you can retire to Florida, where...


1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.


2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind even houses and cars.


3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.


4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.


5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


Yeah, I can’t wait
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Old 01-26-2016, 01:31 PM   #2
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You must be retired to have enough time on your hands to type all that out.
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Old 01-26-2016, 01:40 PM   #3
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Don't retire if that is all the optimism you have, just stay at work you'll be much happier. We are going on 4 years of retirement and haven't really figured it out yet. We do a lot of babysitting the grandkids to help out our kids and then work trips in whenever we can. The nice thing is now when we want "time off" (from babysitting) we tell the kids when we will be gone, not asking for time off like at work. If you did it right money shouldn't be an issue, and you will be able to live/travel anywhere you want without too much concern.

Retirement is a lot like fishing- the worst day of retirement is better than the best day at work...and I loved my job, but knew when it was time to go.
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Old 01-26-2016, 02:17 PM   #4
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A sense of humor is golden

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike and Cha View Post
...and I loved my job, but knew when it was time to go.
Same here Mike and Cha, it is definitely time to go for me but I loved my time there.

I suspect Bandorr2000 has a rather rye sense of humor. I found it humorous anyway. He is pretty much right on in his description of California.

The older I get, the best way I have found to make sense of it all, is to view life with a sense of humor...with me playing the part of the lead clown...

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Old 01-26-2016, 02:32 PM   #5
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Wife says I have a weird sense of humor. Anyway, the posting was a copy of an e-mail I received, felt it was to good to pass up. Yes, we are retired. Leaving Friday for Sebring, FL. Will be there until March 5th.
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Old 01-26-2016, 03:49 PM   #6
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I love this I can relate....great laugh ...GlenB
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Old 01-26-2016, 04:40 PM   #7
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'bandorr2000' THANKS for the laugh........

Relatives from MS, Grew up in WY, worked in CO, lived in CA and have visited sister who lives in FL and currently live in AZ so I can relate and I get it!!

Truth is funnier than fiction


Come on folks.....it's posted in HUMOR
Take time to LAUGH ...even a little bit
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Old 01-26-2016, 07:26 PM   #8
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What's really sad is I got every one of the various jabs, I must have too much time on my hands and I only retired ~20 months ago.
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Old 01-26-2016, 09:19 PM   #9
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I get it now, I didn't realize it was in the "humor" category, I just picked it up in the side box of recent discussions.
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Old 01-27-2016, 03:22 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike and Cha View Post
I get it now, I didn't realize it was in the "humor" category, I just picked it up in the side box of recent discussions.

Yeah, Mike, one excuse is as good as another!
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Old 01-27-2016, 06:20 PM   #11
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If you have rye humor, can you make funny whiskey with it?
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Old 01-27-2016, 06:41 PM   #12
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thanks good laugh,is funny whiskey anything like wacky tabacky????? LOL:roll eyes:

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Old 01-31-2016, 02:44 PM   #13
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Pretty funny and mostly true.
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