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Old 06-12-2011, 08:51 PM   #15
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My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM this morning, can you believe that... 2:30 AM? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

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Old 06-12-2011, 08:52 PM   #16
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Mega,

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

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Old 06-12-2011, 09:38 PM   #17
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Wayne:
Perhaps thats why we nicknamed ya all Uncle Sam's Misguided Children... lol

DW must be as thick skinned as the leather neck you stick out there with those.....lmao

Be Safe, Enjoy The Open Roads, Thank a Vet for your freedoms !
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Old 06-15-2011, 04:19 PM   #18
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A few weeks after I went off to school my mother called and asked how I liked my apartment. I told her it was a little crazy - the guy next door would bang on the wall at all hours of the night. And the weird lady upstairs would go around stomping on the floor as hard as she could. I don't know what it all means, so I just stayed inside and kept practicing on my tuba...
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:23 AM   #19
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Lil Forrest finally passed away... shows up at the Pearly Gates and is met by St Peter.
He is told there were way too many souls awaiting entry and there will now be a test for entry. Forrest, not one for the books looked a bit worried... St Peter noticed and pulled him aside, told him they enjoyed his Mama so much and wanted to help him so he gave him a list of the questions and told him to come back when he had the answers to 3 questions:
One on general knowledge: What are the 2 days each week that begin with the letter "T" ?
Second on math skills: How many seconds are there in one full year ?
Third question was Theology: What is the first name of Christ Our Savior?

Forrest studied hard and showed up the next day at noon, St Peter noticed him and called out to him to inquire if he was ready to take the test ? Yes, Forrest said I am !

St Peter asked: What 2 days of each week begin with the letter "T" ? Forrest says well, that would be Today and Tommorow... St Peter looked perplexed but said although that was not the "expected" answer but was correct just the same!

St Peter asked: How many seconds are there in a full year ? Forrest says well that was easy... 12 ! St Peter says 12 ?!?!!! Forrest says yes... January second, February second, each month for 12 ! St Peter says again, not what we expected, but correct all the same.

Now for the Theology question: What is the first name of Christ Our Savior ? Forrest says that was the easiest of all... Andy !!! St Peter looks extremely perplexed and says now where did you come up with that ??? Forrest says From a Song Momma used to sing to me every sunday at sunday school... "Andy he walked with me Andy he talked with me Andy he told me I was his Own ! St Peter smiled, opened the Pearly Gates, invited Forrest to come in and join his Momma... and looked upon the awaiting crowd and said... Do not prejudge and always hold an open mind, many of life's questions can have multiple answers..
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Old 06-17-2011, 06:52 AM   #20
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It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.. (iron)

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

---------

(It's even funnier with the accompanying photos...)
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Old 06-17-2011, 10:18 AM   #21
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I like this one from Ronald Reagan!
YouTube - ‪Ronald Reagan tells joke about Democrats‬‏
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Old 06-17-2011, 10:27 AM   #22
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I ran into a one legged Muslim terrorist at the ATM the other day and he didn't have any arms either. He asked if I would help him check his balance and I said sure. So, I pushed him over.
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Old 06-17-2011, 11:04 AM   #23
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LMBO!!! I shared some of these on Face Book!!
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Old 06-17-2011, 04:57 PM   #24
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blonde pulls out a gun on cheating boyfriend,she points it to her head.boyfriend yells "don't honey!"she says "shut up stupid,your next"
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Old 06-18-2011, 04:59 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LibbyLA View Post
It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.. (iron)

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

---------

(It's even funnier with the accompanying photos...)


Libby are you sure you're not related to Wayne ?
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:23 PM   #26
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Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower-Cooter, Pete and K.C.
As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is
killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, darn,
Someone should go and tell his wife."

KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"

"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she
gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to
her, "You must be Cooter's widow'."

She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.".... then I said
"I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."


Rednecks Are Almost As Good At Sensitive Stuff As Marines.
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:26 PM   #27
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I wish I could take credit for the iRon joke, but a friend sent it to me. Whoever created it definitely has a great sense of humor.

liz
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Old 06-18-2011, 10:11 PM   #28
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by HoRotica View Post
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Chris

To prove to the armadillo and possum that it could actually be done.
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