I understand your pain, and gawd knows you earned it. I salute you for the effort you've given in years past.
BUT...there's just some things a Forum can't do for you, and it's time to move on if you can't tone down the negativity that we all see. I think there's a bit of difference here that I'd like for you to re-read...we're a very friendly bunch- we cow-tail to everyone now and then, and we may even rant & rave, and jab each other with nothing but kindness, but we always leave our crowd with a notion that we care for our fellow members. You've obviously got some issues that need to get taken care of by some experts. The only experts you'll find here are people that take their personal stuff, throw it out the window, and get on with the conversation at hand, with un-obstructed decency and platitute.
You've got some very good points to ponder, but they are very scattered. I suggest that you seek professional help that can get you to a better place. When (and if) that happens, we will greet you with open arms. Right now, this being a public forum, we ask you to keep the rhetoric down to a 'silent rumble' so we can enjoy the atmosphere we built.
Your fellow iRV2'r,