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Old 09-21-2011, 03:31 PM   #43
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Old 09-22-2011, 01:55 PM   #44
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This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 65 mph With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away For a couple seconds... to continue shaving And when I looked back she was Halfway over in my lane, Still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped My electric shaver Which knocked The donut Out of my other hand.
...
In all The confusion of trying To straighten out the car Using my knees against The steering wheel, It knocked My Cell Phone Away from my ear Which fell Into the coffee Between my legs! Splashed, And burned "Big Jim and the Twins," Ruined the damn phone, Soaked my trousers, And disconnected an Important call.

Damn women drivers!
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Old 09-22-2011, 04:32 PM   #45
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Seriously, If I see people like that, I slow down, way down, till they get aways ahead of me. Most people would speed up and pass them. Me, I don't want someone like that behind me where I don't know what they are going to do next.
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Old 09-23-2011, 10:07 AM   #46
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Seriously, If I see people like that, I slow down, way down, till they get aways ahead of me. Most people would speed up and pass them. Me, I don't want someone like that behind me where I don't know what they are going to do next.
Me too. Same with the drunks.

I don't need to arrive first. Just alive.
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Old 09-23-2011, 10:46 AM   #47
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Me too. Same with the drunks.

I don't need to arrive first. Just alive.
I pull off the road and report drunks.
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Old 09-23-2011, 11:04 AM   #48
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Years ago in my hometown newspaper 'This Day In History' historical column on two consecutive days there were these postings, obviously by a historian with a sense of humour.

Day one "On this day in 1902 the first indoor clothes dryer was installed."
Day two "On this day in 1902 the first sock went missing."
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Old 09-23-2011, 03:56 PM   #49
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In the 40+ years I have been doing my own laundry, I have never lost a sock.
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Old 09-24-2011, 12:56 AM   #50
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In the 40+ years I have been doing my own laundry, I have never lost a sock.
I went and did my laundry one time while I was in San Leandro, Ca. at a Truck Stop. Lasley's Truck Stop on Davis St.
They had the greasiest food in Northern Ca. Anyway I walked over to a coin laundry about a block or so away from there. Put 6 Pair of jeans and work shirts in the machine. With a bunch of White t-shirts and white socks and boxer shorts in another machine.
The load of white clothes disappeared. Think they grew legs and ran down the street. I did have my work shirts and jeans, sure glad I had another couple of pairs of Boxer shorts and t-shirts and socks in the sleeper.

I was there one other time I ordered a Patty Melt and an order of French Fries. I drank one of those small water glasses of water about a 6oz. glass. I took the plate and tipped it over the glass and almost filled it with grease from the food.

Never ate in that dinner again and that was in the late 1970's
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Old 09-24-2011, 02:25 AM   #51
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All those years of not loosing a sock finally caught up with me. Just last week, while working on a cordless phone, I dropped the battery. I immediately reached down to retrieve it and it was no where to be found. Over the next couple day, I literally tore the shop apart. Everything from under the bench came out. I heard it hit a metal milk crate and after dumping it out 4 times, flashlighting and probing every scrap rubber tube or radiator hose, it was not there. DD was not in the shop when I dropped it. Even still, I searched the back yard 6 times or more and every time I go out there. It is not there. The battery wouldn't hold a charge, so no big lose. I did find some drywall screws and dust bunnies, but no matchbox size battery.

Several months ago, I dropped a 4" long, 1/8" transfer punch in the garage. Never found it either. In neither case, was there a flash of light or a puff of smoke like in Las Vegas or on TV. Just gone... like a sock.
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Old 09-24-2011, 03:52 AM   #52
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The DW read a book about a parallel Universe, where all lost things go and reside in perfect harmony, socks,eyeglasses anything that used to be in pairs. She said it was quite entertaining, and I could tell by all the chuckling she did while reading. Name of the book ???? sorry
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Old 09-24-2011, 04:15 AM   #53
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That brings to mind the movie Doppleganger(Journey to the Far Side of the Sun). If I remember, it was another planet that was exactly the same, but opposite of Earth.
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Old 09-24-2011, 07:37 AM   #54
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...I was there one other time I ordered a Patty Melt and an order of French Fries. I drank one of those small water glasses of water about a 6oz. glass. I took the plate and tipped it over the glass and almost filled it with grease from the food.

Never ate in that dinner again and that was in the late 1970's
That place sounds like the Raven Cafe in Prescott, AZ. I ate there once (never again) earlier this year. I ordered the portabello sandwich and, since they came with the sandwich, the seasoned fries. Everything was saturated with grease or oil (I suspect it had been boiled in oil). It was the most lubricated meal I've had in a long time.
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Old 09-24-2011, 08:02 AM   #55
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That comes from being cooked in oil that is not hot enough.

Have you been to the Burro Inn in No Where, AZ? 15 miles south of Prescott on Highway 89. It was stolen so often, they had to mount their town sign in rock.

From their match book:

DRUNK

Not drunk is he
who from the floor
can rise again and
drink once more

But drunk is he
who prostrate lies
and cannot either
drink or rise.
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Old 09-24-2011, 12:52 PM   #56
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...Have you been to the Burro Inn in No Where, AZ? 15 miles south of Prescott on Highway 89...
I might have driven through No Where and missed it when I blinked. Around 15 years ago, I took 89 on the way down to Wickenburg from Prescott simply because I hadn't been on that road since I was a kid (going back well over 50 years ago) and was curious to see what Yarnell Hill was like (it used to the one of the most dangerous roads in AZ) since they "fixed" it.

I've been through Nothing, AZ several times on the way to and from the Vegas area. Everytime, it was the middle of the night so there was no point in stopping. It's another one of those miss it if you blink places.

Talking about matchbooks, here are the directions printed inside one from Santa Fe Natural Tobacco (seriously!):

Instructions:

Firmly grasp individual match, keeping fingers from the igniting tip. After liberating said match from its confinement, assure that your matchbook cover is closed. Briskly strike the tip across the provided strikeplate on the backside of your matchbook to facilitate ignition of said match. Repeat when necessary. Flame good.
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