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Old 12-13-2005, 10:09 AM   #1
Member
 
BeenThere DoneThat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: DeBary, FL
Posts: 93
================================================== ======================

Subject: Partridge in a Pear Tree
Date: December 26
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Partridge in a Pear Tree


My Dearest Bob,

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in
a pear tree. What a delightful, romantic gift. Thank you, darling,
for the wonderful thought.

With deep love and affection always,

Your loving Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Two Turtle Doves
Date: December 27
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Two Turtle Doves


Dearest Bob,

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift - two turtle doves.
I am delighted, they are adorable.

All my love,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Three French Hens
Date: December 28
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Three French Hens


Dearest Bob,

Oh how extravagant you really are, I must protest. I don't deserve
such generosity. Three French hens. I insist you are too kind.

Your ever loving,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Four Calling Birds
Date: December 29
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Four Calling Birds


Dear Bob,

You really shouldn't have. I received your four calling birds and
think it's very sweet, but it really isn't necessary. You have done
more than enough for me already.

Your ever loving,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Five Gold Rings
Date: December 30
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Five Gold Rings


Dear Bob,

Today the postman delivered five gold rings, one for each finger.
You really are impossible, but I love you. Frankly all these birds
are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.

Your ever loving,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Six Geese-a-laying
Date: December 31
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Six Geese-a-laying


Dear Bob,

When I opened the door this morning there were actually six bloody
great geese laying eggs all over the doorstep. So we're back with
the birds again. Where on earth do you suppose I can keep them
all? The neighbors are beginning to smell them and I can't sleep
at night...

Please STOP

Cordially,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Seven Swans-a-swimming
Date: January 1
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Seven Swans-a-swimming


Bob,

What is it with you and these sodding birds? Now I get seven swans
a swimming. Is it some sort of bloody joke or what? The house is
full of bird dew and lots of racket........I am beginning to become
a nervous wreck. Its not funny. STOP sending any birds.

Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Eight Maids-a-milking
Date: January 2
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Eight Maids-a-milking


Dear Buster

I think I prefer the birds. What in heck am I going to do with
eight maids-a-milking?? Is it not enough with all those birds?
Now I have eight maids-a-milking, eight cows dewin' all over the
house and mooing all night. Lay off, generous-breath !

Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Nine Pipers Playing
Date: January 3
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Nine Pipers Playing


Smallbrain,

What are you, some kind of nut?? Now I have nine pipers piping,
and do they ever play. When they aren't playing their squealing
pipes they're chasing the maids through the cowdew. The cows keep
mooing and treading all over the bloomin' birds and the neighbors
are threatening to evict me.

You'll get yours !
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Ten Ladies Dancing
Date: January 4
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Ten Ladies Dancing


You Rotten Man,

Now we have ten ladies dancing. How you can call these 'trollups'
ladies is beyond me. They are dancing on the pipers all night long.
The cows can't sleep and have diarrhea. My living room is a river
of dew and the landlord has just declared the building as unfit.

Stop it now !!!
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Eleven Lords-a-leaping
Date: January 5
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Eleven Lords-a-leaping


What with eleven lords-a-leaping towards the maids, the ladies
and me may never walk again. The pipers are fighting the lords for
the crumpet and are committing buggery with the cows. All the
birds are dead and rotting throughout the place. Now the cows are
running through the mess, but not before they had eaten my five
gold rings. I hope you are satisfied, you rotten, vicious man !!

Your sworn enemy,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling
Date: January 6
From: Grabbit@luz.som (and win some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling


Grabbit, Filth and Mindless
SOLICITORS , LTD.

Dear Sir,

We are in receipt of your gift of the 25th of December, twelve
fiddlers fiddling around a house. We understand that this is
merely the latest infliction in your persecution of our client,
Miss Shirley Fullbody, who is at present residing in the 'Happy
Hours' nursing home.

We are under instructions to charge you with the destruction of
our clients home, sanity, and future. You are warned not to
attempt to contact Miss Fullbody, who has given the staff
instructions to shoot you on sight.

A warrant has been issued for your arrest and should be served
soon after you receive this letter. Please excuse the cowdew
thereon.

Yours faithfully,
M. A. Firechaser
__________________

__________________
Tony

(fka TonyT)
BeenThere DoneThat is offline   Reply With Quote
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Old 12-13-2005, 10:09 AM   #2
Member
 
BeenThere DoneThat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: DeBary, FL
Posts: 93
================================================== ======================

Subject: Partridge in a Pear Tree
Date: December 26
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Partridge in a Pear Tree


My Dearest Bob,

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in
a pear tree. What a delightful, romantic gift. Thank you, darling,
for the wonderful thought.

With deep love and affection always,

Your loving Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Two Turtle Doves
Date: December 27
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Two Turtle Doves


Dearest Bob,

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift - two turtle doves.
I am delighted, they are adorable.

All my love,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Three French Hens
Date: December 28
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Three French Hens


Dearest Bob,

Oh how extravagant you really are, I must protest. I don't deserve
such generosity. Three French hens. I insist you are too kind.

Your ever loving,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Four Calling Birds
Date: December 29
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Four Calling Birds


Dear Bob,

You really shouldn't have. I received your four calling birds and
think it's very sweet, but it really isn't necessary. You have done
more than enough for me already.

Your ever loving,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Five Gold Rings
Date: December 30
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Five Gold Rings


Dear Bob,

Today the postman delivered five gold rings, one for each finger.
You really are impossible, but I love you. Frankly all these birds
are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.

Your ever loving,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Six Geese-a-laying
Date: December 31
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Six Geese-a-laying


Dear Bob,

When I opened the door this morning there were actually six bloody
great geese laying eggs all over the doorstep. So we're back with
the birds again. Where on earth do you suppose I can keep them
all? The neighbors are beginning to smell them and I can't sleep
at night...

Please STOP

Cordially,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Seven Swans-a-swimming
Date: January 1
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Seven Swans-a-swimming


Bob,

What is it with you and these sodding birds? Now I get seven swans
a swimming. Is it some sort of bloody joke or what? The house is
full of bird dew and lots of racket........I am beginning to become
a nervous wreck. Its not funny. STOP sending any birds.

Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Eight Maids-a-milking
Date: January 2
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Eight Maids-a-milking


Dear Buster

I think I prefer the birds. What in heck am I going to do with
eight maids-a-milking?? Is it not enough with all those birds?
Now I have eight maids-a-milking, eight cows dewin' all over the
house and mooing all night. Lay off, generous-breath !

Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Nine Pipers Playing
Date: January 3
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Nine Pipers Playing


Smallbrain,

What are you, some kind of nut?? Now I have nine pipers piping,
and do they ever play. When they aren't playing their squealing
pipes they're chasing the maids through the cowdew. The cows keep
mooing and treading all over the bloomin' birds and the neighbors
are threatening to evict me.

You'll get yours !
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Ten Ladies Dancing
Date: January 4
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Ten Ladies Dancing


You Rotten Man,

Now we have ten ladies dancing. How you can call these 'trollups'
ladies is beyond me. They are dancing on the pipers all night long.
The cows can't sleep and have diarrhea. My living room is a river
of dew and the landlord has just declared the building as unfit.

Stop it now !!!
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Eleven Lords-a-leaping
Date: January 5
From: Shirley@win.som (and lose some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Eleven Lords-a-leaping


What with eleven lords-a-leaping towards the maids, the ladies
and me may never walk again. The pipers are fighting the lords for
the crumpet and are committing buggery with the cows. All the
birds are dead and rotting throughout the place. Now the cows are
running through the mess, but not before they had eaten my five
gold rings. I hope you are satisfied, you rotten, vicious man !!

Your sworn enemy,
Shirley

================================================== ======================

Subject: Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling
Date: January 6
From: Grabbit@luz.som (and win some)
To: Bob@home.net

Reference: Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling


Grabbit, Filth and Mindless
SOLICITORS , LTD.

Dear Sir,

We are in receipt of your gift of the 25th of December, twelve
fiddlers fiddling around a house. We understand that this is
merely the latest infliction in your persecution of our client,
Miss Shirley Fullbody, who is at present residing in the 'Happy
Hours' nursing home.

We are under instructions to charge you with the destruction of
our clients home, sanity, and future. You are warned not to
attempt to contact Miss Fullbody, who has given the staff
instructions to shoot you on sight.

A warrant has been issued for your arrest and should be served
soon after you receive this letter. Please excuse the cowdew
thereon.

Yours faithfully,
M. A. Firechaser
__________________
Tony

(fka TonyT)
BeenThere DoneThat is offline   Reply With Quote
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