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Old 12-18-2006, 03:53 AM   #1
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Gift Wrapping Tips for Men

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise. 2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the Size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

*The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!

YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.

YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.

YOU: I also got you some myrrh.


In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Author Unknown (but definitely male)
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Old 12-18-2006, 03:53 AM   #2
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Gift Wrapping Tips for Men

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise. 2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the Size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

*The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!

YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.

YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.

YOU: I also got you some myrrh.


In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Author Unknown (but definitely male)
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Old 12-18-2006, 04:02 AM   #3
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Don -

It is definitely apparent that you have too much time on your hands!!!!

Shall I quote another interesting article about the 3 wise men????

Sandy
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Old 12-18-2006, 05:19 AM   #4
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Sandy I cannot take credit for the text. (But it does sound like something I would write )

But I saw it and caught myself nodding my head in agreement. You will notice in the last line it lists the author as unknown. I think that was a wise move on whoever DID write it.
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Old 12-18-2006, 08:38 AM   #5
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Madame Boomer:
Don -

It is definitely apparent that you have too much time on your hands!!!!

Shall I quote another interesting article about the 3 wise men????

Sandy </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

HERE is my outlook on gift wrapping.
==============================================

I am an absolute PRO at wrapping gifts so let me give you guys some pointers.

FIRST........ buy the present, wrapping an empty box with an IOU inside isn't going to gain you any points and in fact may subtract points that you already have.

SECOND....... take the gift (no matter what it is) and place it inside a perfectly square or rectangular box and pad it with as much of that tissue crap as you can possibly stuff inside. (NOT Kleenex, the wrapping type tissue)

THIRD........ allow an entire roll wrapping paper and a full roll of scotch tape per gift. (Duct take works well too) This allows for slight mistakes and will make the "experience" last much longer. If you're looking to REALLY extend the experience holler "save the paper" as the recipient picks up the gift.

FOURTH....... lets talk BOWS....... NOT compound, NOT recurve and certainly NOT bimini bows. Bows are the single best method to conceal slight wrapping flaws. When it comes to bows (like many things in life) the BIGGER, the BETTER....... Place bows on every flat surface available to confuse the "which side is up" problem.

LASTLY..... name tags, don't forget the friggen name tag. 'cause you ain't gonna remember cr@p when it comes time to hand out the gifts and the last thing you want is to take away the 2 carat DIAMOND earrings from your daughter when they were for your wife. And one last thing, when you're addressing the name tag, DON'T, I REPEAT, DON"T use pet names. Your wife may not like everyone knowing that you call her your "Sex Kitten" or "My Little Lolita" when her parents are in the room........

So there ya go, present wrapping 101 by Don, a sure fire method to make almost everyone happy, except YOU..........

HO, HO, HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS........
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Old 12-19-2006, 06:16 PM   #6
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Just buy a gift certificate that's small enough to fit in the envelope with the card.

On second thought, gift certificates usually come with their own envelope and the store will put it in the enveope for you. Problem solved.
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Old 12-19-2006, 08:03 PM   #7
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Our first Christmas my wife asked me to wrap presents. I did a really lousy job of it. Problem solved, wife never allows me to wrap again!!!! Thanks Tim Taylor. Merry Christmas!
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Old 12-19-2006, 09:22 PM   #8
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Can I give you guys a HUGE tip for wrapping?? If you don't want to see or experience then...Just go to the JEWELRY STORE... they have very nice fuzzy boxes with shiny things inside that need no wrapping! If you want to see the DW do then may I suggest TWO of these fuzzy boxes.
Whatever you do- Enjoy your Christmas!
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Old 12-20-2006, 04:44 AM   #9
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You go MonacoMama! I like your idea the best of all I've seen! Anything sparkly overrides a bad wrap job any day of the week!!!!

Sandy
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Old 12-20-2006, 08:04 AM   #10
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OH, for crying out loud, just use a gift bag. They come in every shape, size and color now. Stuff that tissue stuff in the top (or not) and everyone is happy! Oh, and the sparkly stuff doesn't hurt either.

Merrry Christmas!!!
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Old 12-20-2006, 02:11 PM   #11
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Gift Wrapping Tips for Men

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise. 2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the Size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

*The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!

YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.

YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.

YOU: I also got you some myrrh.


In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Author Unknown (but definitely male) </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


Perfect timing for discussion on this very subject. Think they call themselves "sensitive new age guys" and claim they wrap as good or better than women.

Thanks

jmo
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Old 12-21-2006, 05:42 AM   #12
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....and the occupation of the three wise men..... A Sunday School teacher was talking about Christmas with her elementary age students and asked if anyone knew the occupation of the three wise men? A young boy spoke up and said "They were Firemen!" The surprised teacher asked the boy how he came to that conclusion. He replied that the bible said "they came from a far!

Merry Christmas, we will be camping and might see a little snow in the Texas hill country on Saturday night!
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Old 12-21-2006, 04:32 PM   #13
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Heres a better idea. If you buy your gift at the mall, go to the booth that wraps your gift for a donation and your all set.


Merry Christmas to all.
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