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Old 06-02-2013, 10:31 PM   #1
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Grey Tanks always Full

Well I know that some will laugh and that is OK. I have been retired 6 years and my wife 1 year. I was excited that now the wife had no job restraints and we could travel. Well, I found out that she is major OCD now that she is retired. She can not relax and "camp" , but is on a mission. Dishes have to be washed immediately, even if only 2 coffee cups. Often, I have not been able to get 2nd cup of coffee before it is wisked away. I use a spoon to feed dogs, I rinse off and leave in sink. Major no-no. She jumps up to wash salad bowls before we start on meal. Washes the pots before eating. She freaks out about dirt or leaves tracked in by me or dogs. Vacuums 2-3 times a day. Then there are the constant showers. She showers every morning and often again at night because she perspired or is sticky. 3-4 washclothes and 2 towels a day is normal, because she won't reuse. She thinks the sheets need to be changed after 2 nights or a max of 3. Military inspections were never this bad. So any suggestions or good books to help? We have been married 42 years and was never this bad when working.

"Stumped Easy Going Guy" Never do today what I can put off until tomorrow unless it is fishing, drinking wine, or taking a nap.
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Old 06-02-2013, 11:15 PM   #2
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Does she realize what she is doing? If a marked change in her behavior, I would suggest to consider some professional help. Would she be open to this? Transitioning to retirement, one's self tied one's work, etc. can be a trying time.
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Old 06-02-2013, 11:33 PM   #3
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Does she realize what she is doing? If a marked change in her behavior, I would suggest to consider some professional help. Would she be open to this? Transitioning to retirement, one's self tied one's work, etc. can be a trying time.
X2. I feel for you both but I'm betting the transition to retirement just hasn't happened yet and she feels she must keep busy "contributing".

Best of luck to you both.

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Old 06-03-2013, 12:32 AM   #4
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I thought all marriages were this way.. you mean there's something else?
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Old 06-03-2013, 12:40 AM   #5
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Gently suggest volunteering or maybe doing some part time work at campgrounds around the country. She is probably very bored but has no idea that there is a problem with what she is now doing.
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Old 06-03-2013, 07:28 AM   #6
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No, she does not realize it until I say something and then she defends it. I think she can't let go from when she worked. She was never a big fan of camping because it was too slow, there was dirt involved, and she loves eating out at nice restaurants. She can't just lay on the beach and do nothing or sunbath. She would rather go to the outlet mall at Myrtle Beach than actually enjoy the beach. In the past, she would go along with me because it was only for the weekend. Now that she is retired, its forever. Our friends noticed it this weekend who came by and joined us for dinner. I love grilling steaks and eating outside, but she was bothered by the flies. They commited to her to sit down and enjoy the sunset. She just can't be still and not doing something.
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:54 AM   #7
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Think about you talking with a mental health professional. Maybe get a better understanding of what is happening with her. Maybe meds could help. Good luck to you both.
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Old 06-03-2013, 12:16 PM   #8
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OCD

Sounds like she just might not be cut out for the RV life.

We have a relative who is actually OCD. She does things WAY beyond what you describe. Such as going through a restaurant straightening up all of the pictures and arranging the place settings 'just so', and screamed when we dragged her away before she finished. She was 19 years old at the time. She's on anti-anxiety meds and they help, but the side effects are pretty serious. Serious enough to have landed her in the hospital more than once.

My DW busies herself with quilting, bingo, bunco, and taking care of her 87 year old mother. I volunteer at the Red Cross 20 hours a week. If we both had nothing to do but sit around all day we'd go nuts!
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Old 06-10-2013, 08:55 AM   #9
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In all probability, this behavior has been around a lot longer than a year and you are now more aware of it since you're together 24-7. Seek some professional assistance with it and get to the root of the problem. Another piece of advice. I'm sure she would NOT be happy with you putting this type of info out on a public forum if she found out....just sayin'.
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:04 PM   #10
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Sounds like she just might not be cut out for the RV life.
That's what I was thinking also. Camping is not her thing.

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I volunteer at the Red Cross 20 hours a week. If we both had nothing to do but sit around all day we'd go nuts!
I see you like dogs... have you considered saving their lives by fostering one or two at a time for a Rescue? This will keep you busy and involved. That's what I plan to do when we stop traveling, snow-birding and camping so often. I will be fostering cats and kittens, neonates and pregnant soon-to-be mother cats.
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:15 PM   #11
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No, she does not realize it until I say something and then she defends it. I think she can't let go from when she worked. She was never a big fan of camping because it was too slow, there was dirt involved, and she loves eating out at nice restaurants.
Then it's pretty obvious camping or RVing in general are not for her.

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She can't just lay on the beach and do nothing or sunbath. She would rather go to the outlet mall at Myrtle Beach than actually enjoy the beach. In the past, she would go along with me because it was only for the weekend. Now that she is retired, its forever. Our friends noticed it this weekend who came by and joined us for dinner. I love grilling steaks and eating outside, but she was bothered by the flies. They commited to her to sit down and enjoy the sunset. She just can't be still and not doing something.
It almost sounds like she's suffering from some form of hyperactivity-syndrome. But you made it clear to me that camping is not for her. You may want to consider going alone and leaving her at home. The other alternative is to only camp where restaurants are in comfortable driving distance and getting one of those screen rooms so the insects and bugs don't bother her. But I don't think that would make her happy either.
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:33 PM   #12
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I think this has always been her personality, but family and careers always buffered you perception of this. It will be the same whether or not you RV.

This lifestyle is not for everyone.
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Old 06-10-2013, 06:02 PM   #13
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Get her to see a Doctor...pronto. Keeping her busy volunteering probably will not break the pattern. She needs counseling and probably medication.

Ken
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Old 06-11-2013, 08:13 AM   #14
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I thought all marriages were this way.. you mean there's something else?
thanks - made me chuckle !!!!

And why the grey tanks always full thread title?!?


While I may like it , don't think my wife would go for full timing either... so it's a choice I have to make... and I chose her....

we have slowed down where we can just sit on the back porch in our rockers like good ole' old people and enjoy the dog chasing the birds, but it's not transitioned any further than say a week out at a time...

(and with some we like them for 2 to 3 days and then that's too many = What's that saying ?
Friends, Family, and Fish smell after three days outside )

we all have our 'things' and just like with the 'normal' things we have to compromise a bit to make it work.... good luck to you and yours !
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