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Old 04-04-2012, 04:44 PM   #1
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Has anyone

ever heard of a newly married man taking on the last name of his bride to ensure HER family name is carried on when they have children?
I bring this up because I'm sitting here livid after being told by my brother; that his son wants to do this....The "kid", his son is 28 years old and a nuclear engineer in another state.
I thought he had a head on his shoulders....
My brother is devastated by his son's decision...and to tell the truth; so am I.
I'm sure my mother is rolling in her grave and ready to kick her grandsons butt!
So...ever heard of such nonsense?


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Old 04-04-2012, 05:51 PM   #2
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No and I wish I didn't hear it here.

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Old 04-04-2012, 05:53 PM   #3
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Old 04-04-2012, 05:58 PM   #4
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I am the last of my family name, I only have a daughter, but she says she is not changing her name so she can keep the family name going, but she is only 17 and I am sure things will change.
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Old 04-04-2012, 06:04 PM   #5
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Well, it was only a matter of time. My son's wife never changed her name. Didn't like it, none of my business. Just glad the grandkids received my son's name. When they started using hyphenated last names the practice of husbands taking the wives name was the next step. Changing times.
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Old 04-04-2012, 07:48 PM   #6
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The head of Clan Farquharson married into the clan and took that family name because the previous chief had no sons. So it does happen at times. I have a friend who was adopted, had no beefs with his adopted family, but took his wife's last name so that their children would have a name that matched a bloodline.

I suppose that if I only had one son and he did that I would be offended, but if one of my sons (I have four) married a woman whose family had no sons to carry on their family name and wanted to do that, I think I would not be upset by that. Maybe the son was willing to sacrifice for his wife's family and not meaning it to be an insult to his own. A lot depends on what his motive was. Just my opinion.
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Old 04-04-2012, 07:57 PM   #7
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Maybe they will have all daughters!
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:12 PM   #8
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Nope, I've never heard it. Love and codependency are some mysterious critters....
But, whatever he ends up doing, I hope the family accepts it.
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:19 PM   #9
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Sounds like it's time for another RV trip and forget about the impending cranial rectal incursion.
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:37 PM   #10
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I have a very good Japanese friend who did the same thing. He had 4 brothers and his wife had none. I thought very highly of his decision but that is just my opinion.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:03 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by gray ghost View Post
The head of Clan Farquharson married into the clan and took that family name because the previous chief had no sons.
Yup - reasonably common across the pond. A husband would take the wife's name to perpetuate a higher ranking family name, to gain lands that would otherwise be forfeit, or any number of similar reasons.

On this side of the pond I can see it if maybe the wife has made a name for herself in her career, and the husband is a "nobody" (trophy husband?) - he may take her name to "elevate" himself, or so the wife doesn't have to change corporate stuff or whatever.

But, I think I would be somewhat "put out" if my sons were to forsake our family name in favor of their wife's family name...
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:46 PM   #12
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Just be glad they are alive and happy.

It doesn't matter what they call themselves if you love them.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:58 PM   #13
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guess he's considering everyone elses feelings but his parents....I wouldn't feel to happy if my son decided to change his last name. But his parents only raised him....but in this PC world we should all support his decision and empower him to move forward and celebrate his individualism...etc. What a world.
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Old 04-05-2012, 11:35 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Arch Hoagland View Post
Just be glad they are alive and happy.

It doesn't matter what they call themselves if you love them.
Thank you, Arch! I personally wouldn't care (my daughter legally changed her first, middle, and last name after she turned 18; it drove my ex nuts but it didn't faze me). You are supposed to raise kids to lose them. In other words, you are supposed to raise them to be able to make their own decisions and lead their own lives. By the time they are old enough to be on their own, you aren't going to have much influence over them (unless you blackmail them somehow) so you might as well accept whatever decisions they make. That doesn't mean you have to approve of the decisions, but it isn't going to do any good to get all bent out of shape. At worst, doing so will drive them away from you.

Like it or not, marriage traditions are changing. Many, if not most young people do not even get married until they have lived together for a while (my son didn't). Many women do not change their last names anymore, especially older ones (I won't if I ever remarry), some because of a sense of independence, some because of the legal nightmare changing their name on legal documents, some because their names are associated with their careers, some for more than one of these. Many times, both will hyphenate their names; each will keep their own last name first and tack on their mates last name at the end.

Many people do not even get married anymore; seniors have been doing it for years to avoid losing pension benefits. Some get married to get benefits, even though they do not actually love each other.

Then there are those who play musical spouses.

My suggestion to the OP is to build a bridge and get over it.

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