Go Back   iRV2 Forums > iRV2.com COMMUNITY FORUMS > Just Conversation
Click Here to Login
Join iRV2 Today

Mission Statement: Supporting thoughtful exchange of knowledge, values and experience among RV enthusiasts.
Reply
  This discussion is proudly sponsored by:
Please support our sponsors and let them know you heard about their products on iRV2
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 09-10-2012, 09:23 PM   #15
Senior Member
 
Davdeb1's Avatar


 
Monaco Owners Club
Freightliner Owners Club
iRV2 No Limits Club
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Avon Lake, Oh
Posts: 2,884
I agree with most everyone here, discuss it with DW, Tell her you don't think he did it so you have to call the police and report the robbery. Let the chips fall.
__________________

__________________
2000 HOLIDAY RAMBLER ENDEAVOR
40 FT--330HP CAT
2 SLIDES-TOAD 2012 focus
Fulltime-Home is where we park it.
Davdeb1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 RV Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

iRV2.com RV Community - Are you about to start a new improvement on your RV or need some help with some maintenance? Do you need advice on what products to buy? Or maybe you can give others some advice? No matter where you fit in you'll find that iRV2 is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with other RV owners, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create an RV blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-10-2012, 09:34 PM   #16
Senior Dude
 
Dogpatch's Avatar


 
Forest River Owners Club
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Somewhere, BC.
Posts: 5,584
Blog Entries: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davdeb1 View Post
I agree with most everyone here, discuss it with DW, Tell her you don't think he did it so you have to call the police and report the robbery. Let the chips fall.
Sorry to hear you have to deal with this. We all like to hope it never happens to us and our families.

I have to agree with Dave et al.
__________________

__________________
Les (RVM12), Bonnie, Morgan and 4 leggers Bella & Bruce
2010 Forest River Cardinal 3450RL 40' Full Body Paint- 2015 Ram 3500 Laramie 6.7 ltr Turbo Diesel, 68RFE Trans. 4x4 SRW SB Pullrite 2900 18K FMCA-420438 Good Sam
Dogpatch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 07:14 AM   #17
Senior Member
 
hamguy's Avatar
 
Workhorse Chassis Owner
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mesa, AZ USA
Posts: 1,806
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimM68 View Post
For those who can remember (search if you can't), #1 is my "bad boy".

He's also the one that DW loves above all else, including me, and has from the day he was born 23 years ago....
"
Today, my neighbor at work says "was your son supposed to be here over the weekend"?

and I say "No...."

So I hear this story about how my son and 3 of his friends are parked on the side of the building, next to my office window, pretending to play with a bad tire in his friends red monte carlo....
and my office window was open.
it was closed and locked when i left friday.
I gave it a push, and it just flopped open. The patches were pulled right out of the wood. The wood at the bottom was all cracked and destroyed. The crank out mechanism was trashed.

So I call the DW, and she talked to him, and he denies it.
Says he was there, fixing a bad tire, no idea why he was at my office doing this, nor why my office window just happened to be pry-bared open...

I leave a large quantity of cash in my desk drawer, and he knows this.
DW only has to say "I took him for a job interview today, and he got hired!"

I'd pretty much resigned myself to this life for the foreseeable future...
This &^^$##@ makes me wonder about just pointing the rv west and the hell with all of them.
Time for a dose of 'tough love' for both. He is a criminal and she is an enabler.
__________________
Wretched excess is just barely enough.

2002 Itasca Suncruiser - WH Chassis - 35U - 2006 Jeep Liberty
hamguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 08:07 AM   #18
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,358
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sky_Boss View Post
I wish it was that easy...sometimes it just doesn't work. At some point you have to just accept the child for what they are. That is for one's own sanity.

The best thing we ever did was go to an alanon group for parents of addicts. It helped us understand how to deal with it.
I agree; You can't help some one that won't help themself; or refuses to help themself. No matter how hard you try. BTDT
__________________
melvonnar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 08:24 AM   #19
Senior Member
 
Sky_Boss's Avatar


 
Newmar Owners Club
Spartan Chassis
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: ON THE ROAD...SOMEWHERE
Posts: 6,068
Quote:
Originally Posted by melvonnar View Post
I agree; You can't help some one that won't help themself; or refuses to help themself. No matter how hard you try. BTDT
Even beyond that, sometimes they can't help themselves. There are clearly situation where the addict is sick and it isn't a case of moral choice. Too many folks see mental health problems and the means to "fix" them as voodoo magic. Sometimes we can't control the bad wiring that can happen, the human body in development does make mistakes. In many cases we can help others find coping mechanisms to overcome these problems. However, the person needing this help also has to have a clear understanding of the situation and desire to manage their condition. Even that is not so easy because they are sick in the first place and if they get off track of effective treatments they return to that sick state and loose that understanding.

Sometimes those of "sane" thought just don't understand the trials and tribulations of those with mental disorders and addictions...which often are 2 sides of the same coin. As I mentioned, some think addicts just are morally corrupt or have no will power. Yes, there are many people that lack will power and are corrupt but they aren't sick in the head either but there are millions of people with various levels of mental issues that attribute to bad behavior.

We can easily understand and sympathize with victims of "obvious" diseases and impairments. It is hard to do the same with those that suffer from inner demons.

That all being said, parents of these children (and later adults) that look normal but behave badly suffer a special hell. At some point we have to let them go. If they "choose" additive behavior, what can we do? I've had this happen to me twice. My own son and my step son both suffer addictions. Genetically, they are not connected but they are clearly brother's of different mothers. LOL

Sorry, this is starting to ramble but that is the frustration parents face in such situations. It ain't easy.
__________________
Don, Sandee & GSD Zeus. Guardian GSDs Gunny (7/11/15) & Thor (5/5/15)
2006 DSDP 4320, Spartan MM IFS, 2013 CR-V, Blue Ox Avail, SMI AF1, Samsung 197R Refer.
Sky_Boss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 12:18 PM   #20
Senior Member
 
wa8yxm's Avatar
 
Damon Owners Club
Workhorse Chassis Owner
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 22,792
This has nothing to do with your son but if you leave large amounts of cash in your desk drawer you might want to look into some "Spy" cameras, These come in several models some are disguised as common office items. But the simplest are about the size of a common LED light, they can be hidden in woodwork or most anything else, Very good quality. Put in 2-4 minimum (say one in each corner of the office focused on the desk area) and feed them to an "off site" recording device (Off site can be another office in the same building) Do not tell anyone you don't have to (That would be anyone other than the installer) and when cash vanishes, play recording.

More than one crook, no relation to office holder, has appeared in court denying he done nutting, only to watch himself on a video not doing nutting, (That is doing something he should not have been doing) Most embarassing.

The campground I'm in right now has a number of YOU ARE ON VIDEO signs scattered about.. One of my coffee drinking buddies mentioned he passed the office, wishing to talk to the assistant manager, and she had people in her office already.
A grandfather and grandson.. The grandson was the star of the video they were watching.... Him stealing bicycles from the rack in front of the family center.

What can I say, Grandpa may be back next year (he was done for this year after that) but grandson... Is personna non grata here now.. He did return the bicycles though. I do not know if charges were filed.
__________________
Home is where I park it!
wa8yxm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 01:11 PM   #21
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,358
I"ve posted on this subject several times already: please; I have just one more post. Many parents blame themselves for the troubles their sons or daughters get into, and put a guilt trip on them selves. I can speak from experance; I have two sons, the one in jail and a sucessful son, I spent years trying to save the son in jail, I put him in every program that I could find. I felt realy bad because I spent most of my life trying to save one that refused to be helped, And I neglected the other son. who is now very sucessful. I tell my wife, its in their genes, good or bad when their born, until they can come up with something that can alter someones genes, what is, is what is.
__________________
melvonnar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 03:31 PM   #22
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 423
JimM, As melvonnar pointed out, when people are on drugs, they will do anything, including kill, to get money for their fix. I'm sure not many people realize that their children/grandchildren will go that far, but believe me when I say that they do. Having worked in courtrooms, I saw 2 particular instances of this. The first one was a 15-year-old girl and her friend; high on drugs all night; came home and wanted to take grandparents car and go to the beach (she lived with them); grandparents said no. She went to her room, they used some more dope, then she went in the kitchen, got a butcherknife, and killed the grandmother. When the grandfather ran towards the kitchen, she followed and killed him. The other instance was a teenager, again living with grandparents. G'father got SS check and the boy wanted to steal the money, so he kept waiting for G'father to get in the shower so he could take the money out of his wallet. In the boy's own words, after about "10 minutes", he gave up waiting, got a gun from a drawer and just shot and killed the G'father when he bent down to tie his shoes. To this day, the G'mother still tries to help this boy and spends her SS checks for court transcripts and the like so he can appeal his sentence (although he pled guilty). I agree with the other posters, I would either leave for my own safety OR I would let the authorities sort it out and hope that he would have no choice about getting help. Although, my first thought is that if he doesn't serve prison time (which is likely to happen), he may act on that grudge. Whatever you do, best wishes to you and please look after your own safety.
__________________
I'M TRYING to be awesome today, but I'M EXHAUSTED from being so freakin' AWESOME YESTERDAY!
danandcarol is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 04:02 PM   #23
Senior Member
 
tomwalt's Avatar
 
Tiffin Owners Club
Workhorse Chassis Owner
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 1,318
Parents must try to help - and you have.
Parents must also identify when they are enabling continued bad (or progressively bad) decisions by their children.
I believe this may be the case with the DW - her motherly instinct is leading her to be an enabler.
Maybe you can help her to see this - in a loving way. Together you pick the path forward.
Don't plan the blame game cards or all will loose.
P.S. I have 5 kids and 7 grand kids - lots of experience. I also have 6 brothers. Two brothers were adicts and they had to hit bottom (in their 30's) before each 'decided it was time to change'.
It's a hard road - best of luck to you.
__________________
Tom and Amy from Northern Virginia.
2000 Allegro 454/Workhorse P32/TST/Crossfire
Life is a DIY project - enjoy it.
tomwalt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 04:27 PM   #24
Registered User


 
Monaco Owners Club
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,198
#1 has been out of jail for just about a year.
He relapsed once, and detoxed on his bed in his room in our house... 3 days of sweating and shaking and yelling... his ex-girlfriend took care of him, DW was so pissed she ignored him completely.

I do not believe he is back on hard drugs now. He did have to take a test yesterday, as a condition of employment, and he passed.

I am ready, willing, and able to work with my son, and help him make a real life for himself.
I am also ready willing and able to throw him out, and he knows I would.

DW is another story... she's been giving him "his last chance" for about 6 years now. Just a week ago, we were having a discussion about his choice of friends, and leaving all his belongings on the porch was a discussed plan of action.
When we were discussing this yesterday, one thing she said was "maybe I should just take Jake and we'll live somewhere else?"

I love my wife more than life itself. Pointing the motorhome west and never looking back, while an option, is tough. the world is a lonely place without her.
We have 2 other sons, both younger. Both starting to wonder out loud why it seems mom loves jake more than them.... leaving them behind is the cowards way out.

Thank you my irv2 friends. your thoughts, comments, and support mean a lot to me.
__________________
JimM68 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 04:35 PM   #25
Senior Member
 
Lincolnboy2's Avatar


 
Texas Boomers Club
Fleetwood Owners Club
Solo Rvers Club
Ford Super Duty Owner
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Grand Prairie, TX (DFW)
Posts: 3,536
Oh my gosh Jim, my heart and soul floods to you in sympathy and empathy.

:(
__________________
Kent - '03 Fleetwood Storm Ford F-53 V-10
With Susie (Lhasa); Angie (Shorkie) Ferbie (ShihTzu)
In Memoriam: Katie, Spencer and Zoey
Lincolnboy2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 04:51 PM   #26
Senior Member
 
Sky_Boss's Avatar


 
Newmar Owners Club
Spartan Chassis
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: ON THE ROAD...SOMEWHERE
Posts: 6,068
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimM68 View Post
...

We have 2 other sons, both younger. Both starting to wonder out loud why it seems mom loves jake more than them.... leaving them behind is the cowards way out....
This is something that is easy to fall into. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The child that needs the most help takes it and those that don't won't. However, those children that can self manage themselves while the parents are putting out vast amounts of energy for another child that is in need does take its toll. They may understand down deep but that doesn't mean they don't resent. That apply both to "problem" children and those that have special needs.

We had to seek counseling to help us balance our lives and we didn't even have another child to deal with since my own son was grown and gone. A family like yours must seriously consider getting help for ALL family members.

Best Wishes!
__________________
Don, Sandee & GSD Zeus. Guardian GSDs Gunny (7/11/15) & Thor (5/5/15)
2006 DSDP 4320, Spartan MM IFS, 2013 CR-V, Blue Ox Avail, SMI AF1, Samsung 197R Refer.
Sky_Boss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 05:17 PM   #27
Senior Member
 
JohnBoyToo's Avatar


 
Monaco Owners Club
Join Date: May 2012
Location: DFW, Tex-US
Posts: 4,829
As stated you have done all you can do.... Tell your wife you are calling the police just to verify the truth and insure your insurance doesn't get dropped !

I lost a 16 yr old son in 2000 and the guilt was overwhelming.... causing the failure of a marraige...

What could I have done, What SHOULD I have done....?!?

we are raised to 'take care' of things.... sometimes we can't ...

I am now beyond happy where I am now and have a VDW you can too...
__________________
'11 Monaco Diplomat 43DFT RR10R pushed by a '14 Jeep Wrangler JKU. History.. 5'ers: 13 Redwood 38gk, 11 MVP Destiny, Open Range TT, popups, vans, tents...
JohnBoyToo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2012, 05:54 PM   #28
Senior Member
 
Davdeb1's Avatar


 
Monaco Owners Club
Freightliner Owners Club
iRV2 No Limits Club
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Avon Lake, Oh
Posts: 2,884
With all due respect, I understand how your wife feels. She will have to also hit bottom with him before she is willing to do the tough love thing. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through right now. I hope you can find the strength to get through this crisis of life. All my best to you.
__________________

__________________
2000 HOLIDAY RAMBLER ENDEAVOR
40 FT--330HP CAT
2 SLIDES-TOAD 2012 focus
Fulltime-Home is where we park it.
Davdeb1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


» Virginia Campgrounds

Reviews provided by


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:58 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.