Just a question, your thoughts ? Warning this may get heated, no harm intended !

[drakethib]

Maybe I am off base, this comes from a Facebook post that I had repsonded to whereas Dave Ramsey says you should basically not have separate financial accounts in a marriage. for the record I disagree with this as a whole. All names are pulled out of this except mine.

Facebook Topic " When married couples separate their finances, they are setting themselves up for separation in other parts of their marriage."


Person 1. Do not always agree with this.

Person 2. You should...You are supposed to become "1" when you get married, right?

Me. I think Dave Ramsey totally missed the boat on this. Money is the #1 thing most couples fight about. As a couple you budget your savings( retirement, college, emergency funds), at payday each puts in the fair share to meet these obligations. After which any remaining $ belongs to each spouse to do what they want with. We have a joint savings account and separate checking accounts and have done so since before we were married. If my wife or I want to go buy 1,000 pet rocks with our money, setup a mad money account or whatever, as long we have paid our monthly obligations, we don't care. If there is a time that I ever need to start concerning myself with what my wife does ( or vice versa) with her share of the household income, money isn't the problem, Trust is. Once trust is gone, you no longer have a marriage anyway. The avg marriage in the US last 7 years, we are on year 12 and happily adding to that as each day passes.

Person 3. I'm definitely not a Ramsey fan, but he is 100% correct on this issue. A house divided cannot stand.

Person 4. We are going on 46 yrs. of marriage and applying this principle has always worked for us!!! [Moderator Edit]

Person 1.We have been married 44 yrs. and it has worked great for us. Just in case----------worked for us means some separate funds. Just like all men do not manage the money. You have to do what works for you. [Moderator Edit]

Me. 46 years and it still works for you guys, that is great ! However, I think it is unnecessary in our household as we do fine without Mr. Ramsey "words of wisdom". [Moderator Edit]

Me. Dave Ramsey does offer good advice from time to time but he also goes off on the deep end. Some (not all) of Dave's followers are almost cult like, it's scary. I have listened to his show where he has told someone to go buy an older cheap car for their wife and kids in order to pay some misc debt off to be 1005 debt free. While in theory one can say it would make sense, but I would much rather know my wife and child have a safe means of transportation and cut something else out to save money. I can't put a $ value on my wife and kid, even if it means a car note. Some Ramsey fans would call that train of thought sacrilegious.

Person 3. The "what's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours" philosophy/lifestyle breeds selfishness, in my opinion. [Moderator Edit]

Me to Person 3. I am glad to see that we both are lucky enough to be married to intellectual women. We are lucky men indeed. [Moderator Edit]


Then we kind of stopped and agreed to disagree.

Thoughts as a whole?

[Possum]

Denise and I have separate and joint accounts. Second marriage for both of us and we seldom have problems over money. major purchases are discussed jointly, decided on jointly and paid from our joint account. Every first of the month we contribute to the household account and we pay our bills from there and what's left over is ours to spend or save as we wish. Even our credit cards are linked so payments come from the joint account but we see who spent on what items. Too easy and it saves when we travel because we can be separately together when out shopping.

[SarahW]

Originally Posted by Possum

Denise and I have separate and joint accounts. Second marriage for both of us and we seldom have problems over money. major purchases are discussed jointly, decided on jointly and paid from our joint account. Every first of the month we contribute to the household account and we pay our bills from there and what's left over is ours to spend or save as we wish. Even our credit cards are linked so payments come from the joint account but we see who spent on what items. Too easy and it saves when we travel because we can be separately together when out shopping.

^^ This. I think it's important for each to have their own money that does not need to be accountable to the other. We both have careers and contribute to the household. In over 20 years we have never had an argument about money. This is our second marriage as well. Couples should do what works best for them and not worry about what others do or think.

[Zoafan]

MY wife doesn't work, she's a full time mom, so if we were going to split finances she'd be short every month

My wife and I bought a house before we were married and ever since then we had joint accounts, I see no reason why you need split accounts. I have friends who have their accounts and their wife has their account and at the end of the month they tally the bills and each pay their share. IMO you should marry someone who is like minded regarding finances.

[SarahW]

REMINDER: Folks, please keep your remarks focused on the financial aspect of this thread and keep it civil. Thanks.

[SarahW]

Originally Posted by Zoafan

MY wife doesn't work, she's a full time mom, so if we were going to split finances she'd be short every month

My wife and I bought a house before we were married and ever since then we had joint accounts, I see no reason why you need split accounts. I have friends who have their accounts and their wife has their account and at the end of the month they tally the bills and each pay their share. IMO you should marry someone who is like minded regarding finances.

I agree. It is very important to be compatible when it comes to money!!

[Craig_R]

We've been married 41 years and tried it both ways. With the exception of those accounts that have to remain separate (IRAs & 401Ks) all of our savings and our checking account are held jointly. Separate accounts just didn't work for us. All of our vehicles have always been titled and registered in both of our names. It's a matter of trust and neither of us have ever given the other reason not to trust the other one.

[Zoafan]

Originally Posted by SarahW

I agree. It is very important to be compatible when it comes to money!!

I have a friend who cannot allow herself to get a credit card because her husband has spending issues and everytime they get a card he spends it like free money. She also has to hide money because he will spend every time they have every month and she is always upset. No way to live for me.

[Possum]

Where we live Craig our vehicles can only be in one name and not be jointly owned. We tried to go for joint ownership on the RVs and both times our government insurance agent would not let us do that.

BTW we have a joint account credit card but we also have our own credit cards that are not linked. Comes in handy when buying surprise gifts and stuff.

[MRBB]

Wow, talk about opening a can of worms... We have separate personal accounts because it gives us the freedom to buy things without having to ask the other for permission and when the monthly money is gone, it's gone. No arguments.

We also have a joint account for food, gas and utility bills. We place enough money in this account to pay the bills and what is left over we split.

The one reason for separate accounts is if the IRS or anyone else freezes one account we always would have the other account to fall back on. It's hard to fight when you have no access to your money.

[Kayjulia]

I was married twice and co-mingled funds both times. I wan't happy with the spending patterns of either spouse. Both marriages broke up, not specifically over money, but other reasons. Both times I ended up paying the bills off to save my own credit rating, they didn't care about credit ratings.

My suggestion is to do what works for you and your marriage, never mind what the experts say or the religionists say, do what is best for you if someone doesn't like it that's their problem.

I've been living single for 18 years and I'm happier, healthier, wealthier than before. I might share somethings but not my bank account ! Too old to make that mistake again

[wnytaxman]

Okay, so here's the beancounter's perspective.....yes and no! Sounds like I may have a future in politics, right? I think that married couples at times should have both joint and separate accounts.

Let me explain that comment. Divorce is pretty common and my guess would be that more than a few of us on this forum have passed through the divorce courts in one form or another. Now, noone should get married with the idea of getting divorced, but in some states the idea of separate property is pretty important if a couple reaches that crossroad where they have to go their separate ways. Planning is very important, particularly as it applies to real estate, businesses, and inheritances.

For example, let's say that a wife gets a substantial inheritance. She puts it in a joint account. Now it becomes a joint asset and would be split accordingly, which is definitely not the way the deceased would have wanted the money split. If the wife puts the money in a separate account then it shouldn't (notice I said shouldn't) be an issue in the event of a conflict between the spouses down the road. It is her money and it was intended to be her money.

Money is the primary cause of divorce and it makes it particularly sticky when it gets into the "my money" versus "your money." Divorce is a fact of life, and let's face it, people change over the years and not always for the better. Trust is a great thing but logic has to enter the picture some where along the line. Logic says we can be joint on many things, but some things have to be kept separate to keep the peace.

[Sky_Boss]

We have both separate and joint checking. Credit cards, deeds, auto registration is joint. We do the VAST amount of spending via CC for cash back bonus. All bills are paid out of my checking account. Occasionally Sandee will use a "back up" CC for surprises.

We get along financially just fine.

[moderator edit]

[melvonnar]

Been married 60 years wife never worked ( I have to clearify this) for a paycheck; checking account and credit cards in both our names; she never writes a check (her choise) she doesn't carry a credit card (her choise again) she is not well oganaized and realizes it. She wants something she buys it, I want something, I buy it. we both know what our income is and we both agee that if we can't pay cash we don't buy. (the credit cards are paid in full every month. I pay all the bills.
Been retired for 26 years; best years of my life.