My boat is trying to kill me

[Seajay]

MY NEW PORTA BOTE


I was lookin' on Craigs List for one of them ''blue boy'' poop haulers 'cause we are goin to Florida and we will be stayin at a campground that dont have sewer hook up. I looked on Craigs list and found one down close to St Augustine for 80 dollars. It was new in the box and it would haul 30 gallons. I called the guy and bought it over the phone.


While on Craigs list I got to just lookin around and I found a 12 foot Porta Bote, with new troaling motor, new swivle seats and two ''oars'' and a bag to put the seats into for 800 dollars. WOW... a new prota boat that size costs over $1800.oo without all the extra stuff. I called the guy and confirmed the deal . He told me the boat had been assembled one time and never used. I bought the boat. I already had a Porta Bote but I could not resist a bargin. I found a 6 hp Suzuki motor with 10 hours on it for 600.oo dollars and bought it also.. It should be known that I already have a Porta Bote with a 5 hp nissan that I bought new about 15 years ago. I figure I can sell my ''old boat'' and recoup most of my money and have a ''new boat''


All went well. I stopped and picked up all my ''stuff'' and came down here to Long Point. I unloaded the ''New Boat'', put it together and slid it into the water. I put the motor on it and the tank, got out the trolling motor and my battery and put that in the boat. I got everything ready for the ''maiden voyage''. While assembling the boat I noticed that the floor was very slick in the boat. Probably something in the production of the plastic that made it real slick.
Anyhow, I slid the boat into the water and out in about 3 feet of water and decided to ''get in'' on the side of the boat. Now I know you guys have seen some dummy try to get into a boat and he got one foot inside the boat and one foot in the water and the boat kinda floats away and he does the split and falls in the water. I stepped into the slick bottom of the boat with my wet left foot and my right foot in about three feet of water and my left foot slid under one of the seats and the boat floated away from me. I literally fell in slow motion. The water was a ''balmy'' 51 degrees and I submerged till my glasses and the tip of my Tilly Hat were still viable. I will not try to print some of the words I said while underwater but ''Shux'' was not one of them. As I lay there wallowing like a hog I realized that I had my wallet in my hip pocket and my new Blackberry Phone in a case on my suspenders. I finally regained my footing and crawled out of the bay with the boat slowly floating away. Willa saw the whole thing and yelled out the window ''Have you fallen in hun?''..............(i heard a giggle)
''No darling, I remembered it has been two hours since my shower and I decided to TAKE ANOTHER ONE. GET ME SOME FLAMIN DRY CLOTHES, DEAR''
The next day I decided to use the ''New Boat'' again and I mounted the ''clamp on, swivel seats'' on the bench seat in the boat. They work by clamping a devise to the bench seats already in the boat. I clamped them on and tested mine and it really felt nice. It would swivel around and they are covered with vinyl and are nice and soft. Great......... I pushed the boat out from shore, got in carefully, and ''swiveled my seat sideways'' so I could start the motor. In the process I discovered that the ''seat'' was a bit too close to the center of the bench seat so I decided that I should be able to ''scoot'' it over about an inch and it should be fine. As I ''scooted'' the seat it came lose from the bench seat and turned over backwards dumping my sorry butt half way out of the boat. My head, shoulders, arms and half my back was in the water and my fanny, legs and feet were still in the boat with the swivel seat laying on its back on the bench seat. I was trapped and in the process, the boat was slowly filling with water because my weight was pushing down on the back corner. Again I wallowed around like a hog in the mud with no progress toward setting back up. I finally rolled out of the boat and into the bay again. Guess what........
''Did you fall out of the boat again hun?''...(quiet giggle again)
''No dear, I lost my comb and I was diving for that dear''..........
Would you believe how easy it is to dry out a Blackberry phone with a hair dryer? I have decided to carry my wallet in a baggie with water inside so it will never get really dry again.


FOR SALE. One almost new Porta Boat with an almost new 6 hp motor, with swivel seats, a new trolling motor, two oars and a ''tote bag'' for the seats...... REAL CHEAP, that is trying to drown me......

[CorsairIIAT]

SeaJay LOL You need to go see a Boatsains Mate on proper boat handling procedures.

[Midniteoyl]

OMG... you make coffee come outta my nose...

[blackf3504dr]

And all this time I thought you were an experienced "sailor man"...........

[GOLDWINGER2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seajay MY NEW PORTA BOTE FOR SALE. One almost new Porta Boat with an almost new 6 hp motor, with swivel seats, a new trolling motor, two oars and a ''tote bag'' for the seats...... REAL CHEAP, that is trying to drown me......

I'll give you ten cents for it.
J

[mick]

Tell us one more time Seajay, HOW MUCH TIME you spent in the Navy?

[Wayne M]

I agree with everything that has been said or is going to be said, and then some!

Sailor! Humph!

[bldrbob]

Was that the US Navy ?

[JBroadaway]

I'm a former Jolly Green Giant Helicopter Air/Sea Rescue guy. I still have contacts with the Jolly Green Giants so if you will tell me when you plan to use that boat again, I'll see if they can be in the same area when you try!!!! Go Air Force!!!!

[Ray,IN]

And now you can put on your resume were a brown water sailor too.

[Seajay]

Ok all you ''SMART ALEX'' The ship I was on in the navy was a little over 650 feet long and 54 feet at the ''beam''. (widest point) and the decks were not very slick and the ''seats '' were all bolted down securely.

I am flattered by all the ''snart'' advice ''generous offers'' and the helpful hints from the ''peanut gallery'' .... I have resolved the problems in good old Navy manner...
One. I deliberately grounded the boat on shore and pitched in two shovels of sand in the bottom of the boat and got in and did the ''Great Lakes Shuffle'' in the bottom of the boat to ''rough up'' the mirror finish on the bottom of the boat. This took the ''glaze'' and the processing lube off the bottom and now my feet stick to it very nicely when I board over the side. No problems now.
Two. I got out my ratchet from my trusty tool kit in typical Navy fashion I stood on my head in the boat and tightened the ''Heck'' out of the 'seat clamp bolts' that hold the swivel seat to the bench seat. I further went underneath and took ski rope and ''cross hatched'' the bottom of the attachment rails to the bench seat. All secured with good Navy knots and the seat is now one of the strongest things on the boat.
I installed my fishing rod holders, my trolling motor and battery, all my fishing stuff like tackle boxes, pliers, hook removers, six gallons of gasoline with oil, a tow rope (for pulling lost soldiers and marines and Airmen) off sand bars, mud flats and out of trees and stuff, my fire extinguisher, one small cooler, Willas swivel seat (very secure like mine), one bow rope for securing boat at nite, one anchor with line attached and a ''bailing bucket'' to throw out rain water.
All was ready, All was ''SHIP SHAPE'' and in good Navy order and last nite S.weet O.ld B.oy stole my new boat...............

God bless our troops and keep them safe .....

[GOLDWINGER2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seajay Ok all you ''SMART ALEX'' The ship I was on in the navy was a little over 650 feet long and 54 feet at the ''beam''. (widest point) and the decks were not very slick and the ''seats '' were all bolted down securely. I am flattered by all the ''snart'' advice ''generous offers'' and the helpful hints from the ''peanut gallery'' .... I have resolved the problems in good old Navy manner... One. I deliberately grounded the boat on shore and pitched in two shovels of sand in the bottom of the boat and got in and did the ''Great Lakes Shuffle'' in the bottom of the boat to ''rough up'' the mirror finish on the bottom of the boat. This took the ''glaze'' and the processing lube off the bottom and now my feet stick to it very nicely when I board over the side. No problems now. Two. I got out my ratchet from my trusty tool kit in typical Navy fashion I stood on my head in the boat and tightened the ''Heck'' out of the 'seat clamp bolts' that hold the swivel seat to the bench seat. I further went underneath and took ski rope and ''cross hatched'' the bottom of the attachment rails to the bench seat. All secured with good Navy knots and the seat is now one of the strongest things on the boat. I installed my fishing rod holders, my trolling motor and battery, all my fishing stuff like tackle boxes, pliers, hook removers, six gallons of gasoline with oil, a tow rope (for pulling lost soldiers and marines and Airmen) off sand bars, mud flats and out of trees and stuff, my fire extinguisher, one small cooler, Willas swivel seat (very secure like mine), one bow rope for securing boat at nite, one anchor with line attached and a ''bailing bucket'' to throw out rain water. All was ready, All was ''SHIP SHAPE'' and in good Navy order and last nite S.weet O.ld B.oy stole my new boat............... God bless our troops and keep them safe .....

Fifty cents?
J

[dogpatch]

I would have skuttled er' after the second mishap. The S.O.B. that stole it probably prevented you from drowning! LOL

[Wayne M]

So how much DID Willa have to pay that guy that took it?