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Old 12-03-2011, 04:11 AM   #127
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Safe Sex

To be safe I agreed to just have phone sex..........got an ear infection
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Old 12-12-2011, 10:02 AM   #128
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I totally take back all those times I didn't want to take a nap when I was younger.
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Old 12-22-2011, 09:47 AM   #129
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Seen on a bumper sticker: "Honk if you hate noise pollution. "
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:21 AM   #130
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How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
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Old 12-26-2011, 01:36 PM   #131
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Bumper sticker on PU going up Loveland Pass in Colo. "Chains required -whippes optional"
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:39 AM   #132
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I have Started a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says, "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
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Old 01-04-2012, 08:33 AM   #133
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That was a two spit rain!
That is one well defined woman.
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:02 PM   #134
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

Why are men and parking spaces alike?

Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

[Moderator Edit]

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what will you have?

Divorce proceedings.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?

They're hiring.
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Old 01-07-2012, 05:51 PM   #135
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Jeeze if you love Honkus
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:38 PM   #136
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Just Remember..."Wherever you go....There you are."
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Old 01-11-2012, 01:27 AM   #137
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Walking through the airport a woman at a kiosk says "Can I ask you a quick question?", I keep walking by and respond "You just did!"... She looked puzzled. lol
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Old 01-11-2012, 10:35 AM   #138
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Give a man a job and you have an employee, teach a man how to shift blame and you have a manager.
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Old 01-11-2012, 03:03 PM   #139
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GMRHost View Post
"Hello, 9-1-1? I was out huntin' with cousin Dub and he just keeled over Dead! Whazzat? Well, I dunno if'n he's dead or not. Yeah, I'll make sure..."
*click* BOOM!
"Ok, I made sure. Now what?"
A guy was out hunting and got lost.
He fired 3 shoots in the air......nobody came!
A short time later he fired 3 more...still nobody!
Then he ran out of arrows.
Mel
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Old 01-14-2012, 12:32 PM   #140
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You know it's cold out when... dog poo goes from being a slip hazard to a trip hazard.
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