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Old 07-28-2013, 11:21 AM   #267
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Old 07-28-2013, 11:22 AM   #268
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I hate to advocate alcohol, violence, and insanity to anyone, but they've worked well for me.
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Old 07-28-2013, 11:34 AM   #269
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What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud!

Why did the fish get kicked out of school? Cause he was caught with seaweed.
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:04 PM   #270
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What's the brown behind the bush...... Gomer's Pyle
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:11 PM   #271
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I'm not superstitious, that would be unlucky.
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:20 PM   #272
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"I named my dog Stay. He was a lot of fun when he was a puppy when I'd call him "come here ... Stay, come here .... Stay." - Steven Wright
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:09 PM   #273
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BA-in-Mich View Post
What's the brown behind the bush...... Gomer's Pyle

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:14 PM   #274
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Chrome won't get you home.
No, but you will look damn good getting there!
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Old 08-01-2013, 10:27 PM   #275
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Has "If it don't go, chrome it" been said yet?
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Old 08-01-2013, 11:05 PM   #276
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"I named my dog Stay. He was a lot of fun when he was a puppy when I'd call him "come here ... Stay, come here .... Stay." - Steven Wright
An acquaintance had a dog named Go Away. My buddy had an aversion to anything with four legs and told the dog to go away when it tried to make friends. Talk about a confused dog.
One of my favorite one liners came from George Burns. When asked what his doctor thought about his penchant for cigars and fast women he replied "My doctor's dead". Classic George.
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Old 08-02-2013, 12:37 PM   #277
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My hair is not turning gray, it's going chrome!
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Old 08-21-2013, 11:26 AM   #278
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I just poured super glue into a non-stick pan...someone is about to be wrong
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Old 11-05-2013, 01:27 PM   #279
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When I die, I hope to go peacefully in my sleep, just like grandpa did...not screaming and yelling like the other passengers in his car.
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Old 11-05-2013, 02:35 PM   #280
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She drove me to drink, but I never had a chance to thank her!

Do I have a drinking problem? Nope, I pretty well got it figured out!
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