One liners.

[w6pea]

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

If We Can't Haul It....You Don't Need It ! Motor-T

[MrIguana]

How much does a dead battery cost? Nothing, it's free of charge.

[GMRHost]

...Rolled into a service station with a sign that said,"FREE GAS."
Asked the attendant about it, and he just grinned, and said, "Ya got some? My tanks're about EMPTY!"

[Sequim Guy]

Sign in cafe, "Free Lunch.......Tomorrow."

[Wayne MD]

Does an RV salesman ever lie? Only if they move their lips.

[LadyFitz...]

Eschew obfuscation.

[Benny367]

If you choke a Smurf what color do they turn?

[Monaco38]

Top 10 Reasons to Procrastinate:

1.

[Tyler6357]

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..." The man sighs and says, "It's started ..."

[LadyFitz...]

Talk about self fullfilling prophecy!

[Mekanic]

"We know where they are" (weapons of mass destruction)

So sad that that lead to thousands of DEAD service men and women.

[MrIguana]

I was at the ballgame trying to figure out why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

[GMRHost]

"So how much did you gross last month?" one zombie asked another.

[Bert_64]

From the pages at Workhorse,

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.