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Old 11-01-2011, 08:37 PM   #85
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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:43 PM   #86
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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If the DW sees me without an erection, she knows to make me a sandwich.


Is that appropriate?
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:52 PM   #87
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If you choke a Smurf what color do they turn?
You know why the smurfs are blue? Because there is only ONE female.
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:56 PM   #88
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I'm so broke, I can't afford to pay attention.
I'm so broke, the guy who stole my identity is sueing me for ruining HIS life.
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:57 PM   #89
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Who says money can't buy happiness? Money can buy a jet-ski. Ever seen an unhappy person on a jet-ski? Case closed.
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Old 11-02-2011, 02:20 AM   #90
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The guy that stole my wife's credit cards spent less than she did, so I never turned him in.
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:19 AM   #91
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The guy that stole my wife's credit cards spent less than she did, so I never turned him in.
Take my wife...please!
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Old 11-03-2011, 03:06 AM   #92
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Help STOP repeat offenders......................................... .Don't re-elect them!!!
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Old 11-04-2011, 03:56 PM   #93
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I once thought I had made a mistake, but I was wrong.
The best way i've seen this one...

The only mistake i've ever made in my life, was thinking i may have made a mistake.
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Old 11-04-2011, 05:12 PM   #94
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Many people think I'm conceited but that's not true because conceit is a fault and I have none.
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Old 11-04-2011, 05:31 PM   #95
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Saw a comedian once, cant remember his name, opened his show with this one:

"People laughed at me when I told them I was going to be a comedian. HA! No one's laughing NOW!"
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Old 11-08-2011, 08:25 AM   #96
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Told my wife she was driving me crazy, she said that was a short trip, I told her she was speeding.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:57 AM   #97
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Better to have the world think I'm insane, than to have my wife open her mouth and prove it...
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:18 AM   #98
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln
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